Killer Ute by Rosanne Hawke Read Free Book Online Page B

pen in a drawer.
    Dear Mei
    I’m so sorry about this but there’s nothing I can do. I’ve just found out we’re not on a holiday at all. We’re kind of in witness protection because of the court case. That means you can’t stay – they say it’s not safe. I guess protecting Dev and me is enough for them. I’m sorry you went to so much trouble to come. I thought it was a good idea at the time. See you when I get home. I don’t know when that will be. Please tell Gran I love her. Joel.
    I toy with the idea of putting a kiss next to my name. This hurts worse than a punch in the guts. Mei will only be a few kays away and I can’t see her. I think of stowing away in the back of the four-wheel drive, but Dev would find out and I’ve caused him enough trouble. Then I get this horrible thought. I don’t know where it comes from but it swoops in on black wings and settles behind my eyes. Will Dev even want to hang around me with all this going on? When he answered my ad he probably thought I’d be a quiet kid with no problems, not one being stalked, and now he is too. I can’t stop thinking about it; the thought flaps around and grows bigger by the second.
    Even though my door is ajar, Dev knocks. It makes me jump. ‘What are you thinking about, mate?’ He’s frowning at me, like he knows what I’ve let into my head. The flapping thing folds up its wings and I decide to tell him. That’s what Dev says I should do when I’m thinking too much. ‘I’m sorry I’m so much trouble. I wouldn’t blame you if you’d had enough. You never asked for this. I’m just stupid and now you’re in danger too.’
    Then Dev does an amazing thing. He comes in, sits on the bed and pulls me towards him. It’s none too gentle and a few of his chest hairs get stuck up my nose but I don’t care. ‘Don’t think like that, mate.’ He says it firmly like an order I have to obey.
    â€˜But how?’ It comes out like a squeak.
    â€˜You think of something else, something true. Say this after me: I am not stupid and this situation is not my fault .’
    It’s like saying the truth words in the court and I stumble over them. Dev makes me say them again. ‘Here’s another one,’ he says. ‘ This is hard but I will do my best .’ I repeat that too and he sets me back a bit so he can see my face. ‘If you are doing your best, you can’t fail. And all three of us will do our best for you, Joel.’ That’s when I see the tears in his eyes; he blinks but they stay there. I know they’re just for me.
    Dev hasn’t finished. ‘This isn’t easy, mate – no one’s saying it is, but whenever you get thoughts you can’t handle, remember they are only thoughts. You can decide to change them, tell them to go, and think a true one.’
    I give him a shaky smile.
    â€˜And if it gets so bad you can’t think of a good thought, come and ask me – I’ve got plenty for you.’ His voice breaks for a second and he blinks again; I don’t dare say a word and we sit together in silence.
    After a while I say, ‘Thanks.’ Then I add, ‘I wish I could see Mei though.’
    â€˜Yeah. That’s tough, mate.’
    Then I remember he lost his wife and kid, so I decide not to complain. That would be worse. At least this way Mei will be safe and I can see her when I get home.
    Dev leaves the room and takes the note to Felicity. I hear her ask how I am, and Dev’s low answer, ‘He’ll work it through.’ It makes me feel warm to my toes; Dev believes in me, but I also feel like crying. I’m not upset because of what might happen, but because I can’t see Mei. She’ll be so disappointed. I hate to let her down and not be able to explain in person. I really wish I’d kissed her on the beach before I left.

13
    Dev and I are doing