Killing the Emperors by Ruth Dudley Edwards Read Free Book Online

can’t imagine. In future, I intend to be a denier.’
    ‘You couldn’t just mention that Plutarch is a vile step-cat thrust upon you through no fault of your own?’
    ‘That would seem disloyal. After all, when I accepted you for better or worse I knew what that entailed in the cat department.’ As if on cue, a screech came from the next-door garden. ‘Get away, you horrible animal. Leave that bird alone. Oh, no! You murdering beast!’
    Amiss and Rachel looked at each other and shrugged. ‘Another one bites the dust,’ said Amiss wearily. ‘Go on.’
    ‘That wasn’t the worst of today. It was the art that got me depressed.’
    ‘Art?’
    ‘I’d been thinking about what Jack had said about that night, so I asked my best class what they knew about art and artists. Do you know, there wasn’t one of them that had ever been to a gallery. And I drew complete blanks with Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Turner, and any other obvious candidates I tried on them.’
    ‘Did they know there were such things as artists?’
    ‘A couple of them had seen religious pictures in church. That was about it.’
    ‘You mean they hadn’t even heard of Damien Hirst.’
    ‘No. But three of the girls had seen Tracey Emin on the telly talking about her abortion and thought she was great.’
    ‘Oh, dear.’
    ‘So at the staff meeting after school I said I felt they weren’t being much exposed to beauty and asked if it would be possible to take them to the National Gallery some afternoon. My God, you’d have thought I’d suggested a brothel. And a brothel three hundred miles away on an ice-floe full of expiring polar bears at that.
    ‘First, the deputy head began to explain how many staff would have to be with me by way of back-up. He droned on about risk assessments. Of course I knew there was a lot of bureaucracy involved in the simplest school trips, but this was beyond belief. We’d have to be prepared for all kinds of weather, transport-related problems, predictable hazards, accidents, misbehaviour in the gallery, paedophile security guards, and God knows what else. We’d have to have at least three people in attendance with first-aid qualifications and there would have to be a precise breakdown of responsibilities.’
    She rubbed her forehead wearily. ‘Honestly, these kids are fifteen, not five. I was tempted to—but didn’t—point out that they’re mostly roaming the streets on a Saturday night getting drunk and laid and that broad daylight in Trafalgar Square was probably pretty safe by comparison.’
    There came an ear-splitting yowl and the sound of something heavy crashing against the kitchen door. ‘Tom from down the road trying to impose his authority yet again, I’d guess,’ said Amiss as he got up to investigate. ‘He’s pretty good at hot pursuit.’
    Rachel lay back and closed her eyes as Amiss went into the garden, broke up the fight, chased the tom away, and threw a furious Plutarch into the kitchen. ‘When will you grasp that you shouldn’t take on something half your age and twice as fit, you stupid creature?’
    There was a yowl as he investigated a bloody ear. A louder one as he cleaned it with antiseptic was accompanied by an expletive from Amiss. By the time Plutarch had been calmed down, fed and watered and had accompanied Amiss back to the living room, Rachel had been rejuvenated by a refreshing nap. She looked with distaste as the cat made a beeline for the back of the sofa, leaped to the top, and hung out of it. ‘I haven’t asked you for ages, Robert, but I don’t suppose there’s any chance Plutarch’s owner is likely to get out of jail soon, is there?’
    ‘He’s not even up for parole in the foreseeable future. Unless they change the law drastically, I’m afraid Plutarch is a life sentence. Of course, that’s her life, not yours.’
    ‘I always hoped that Jack would take her on.’
    ‘It came up in conversation recently. She said she’d love to have her back at St.