Knee-Deep in Wonder by April Reynolds Read Free Book Online

whole structure leaned to the left.
    Helene didn’t mind the leaning, which caused her to tilt her head; it was the door that gave her a bad feeling. Big and rounded at the top, it seemed swollen and almost bulged out of its frame. She stepped into the yard. Clumps of grass grew wild and tangled in unexpected places. Her uncle had warned her about the grass; mean as a miser and ugly, thorns rose from the ground and attacked her open toes. Trying to sneak up to the house was in vain, because the grass was predatory.
    Helene tried to find a path where the thorns grew into soft grass as she approached the porch. She saw a screen door through the railing. Helene stooped to remove the remaining thorns from between her toes, and though her head was down she could see the curtain shivering. Just don’t put me out before I can make you tell me everything, Helene thought, aching for her mother’s voice, and I want it from the beginning. But before she could knock at the door, her mother stood there with the unused smile you give to strangers.
    â€œHello there,” Queen Ester said, as if she couldn’t fathom where she had previously seen her daughter. And before Helene said anything, she thought, Yes, yes, we were once like this, Mama standing in her half-open door, wearing the same housedress, only then the hair was free. And just as before, her mother’s physicality made her ill at ease. Neither tall nor short, fat nor thin, light nor dark, Queen Ester seemed beyond description.
    When Helene was thirteen, she had bought a bus ticket to Stamps, hitchhiked a ride all the way to her mother’s house, and stumbled onto the porch, begging her mother to come out and see her, take care of her, because she couldn’t go on living with Annie b. But Queen Ester wouldn’t. She’d stood in the doorway, not with the bemused look she wore now but full of rage. She had banged the door closed and called Annie b to pick Helene up, yelling out to the porch, “Annie b is on her way.” They waited together for Annie b, Queen Ester’s face appearing and disappearing from her many windows, watching her daughter pace the length of the porch until Aunt Annie b drove up, wrapped a coat around Helene, and walked her to the car.
    But this time her mother said hello as if she meant it. Her voice was coated with rust, her hair was pulled back and trapped underneath a green scarf—a mundane sight Helene needed to encourage her to walk through the door. “Yes?” Queen Ester said.
    â€œMama?”
    â€œLook like you got news, girl.” Her mother sounded hesitant, as if she spoke to someone behind Helene, out of her daughter’s sight.
    â€œMama, I do. I do.” Just get inside, Helene thought, stepping firmly on the wooden saddle between the porch and the door.
    â€œYou look good,” her mama said, and Helene walked through in a whoosh, still expecting Queen Ester to blink and know Helene was her daughter and put her out.
    Instead she grabbed Helene’s hand, stroking her thumbnail. “Well,” Queen Ester mumbled, but her eyes rested somewhere by her daughter’s left temple. Helene looked down and saw brown toes exactly like her own. The pinkie toenail was shaped like a wood shaving, just sitting on top of the toe, all of them even and brown with no darkness around the joints. Just like me, Helene thought.
    â€œMama, I’m sorry I just showed up like this.” She heard her mother’s soft wet breathing. Queen Ester untangled her fingers from Helene’s and placed her thumb in her mouth. Her next words came out pushed together.
    â€œNo problem t’all. Coulda sent word, though. Been nice if I could of met you in something more than my housedress.”
    She backed farther into the hallway, lifting her housedress to show its frayed hem. Helene had seen it before—green, with orange and blue flowers.
    It was dark inside the house; the shades and blinds