another man. There’s a very soft part of me that wants to treat you the way everyone else is – to give you your space, to appreciate what you gave up for us, and ask you for nothing else. We don’t have any right to ask you for anything. But…” he looked at Zander, a silent warning that he wasn’t finished speaking, “there’s a bigger part of me that is a father. I see you the same way I see my own sons.”
He paused, looking at Zander again. The expression in his gray eyes was warm, but firm. He looked like a father – almost as much as he looked like a king. Zander couldn’t bring himself to speak.
“My greatest wish for all of my own children has always been that they would find purpose in their lives – that they would learn to give themselves over to others and to the world around them. Having purpose – and fulfilling that purpose – is the only real way to find happiness. In your world, I believe you would have found it. Perhaps you would have learned to eventually find purpose in working with your father, or maybe you would have found it somewhere else. I don’t want to see you lose that, too. You live here now, and I want you to have purpose here – not just be floundering and hoping to be ignored for the indefinite future.”
Zander sank down onto the arm of a chair. “I don’t think I can just ride to the market and pick up some purpose.”
Stephen chuckled. “I like you, Zander. More than you probably think I do. Enough that you’re already another reason I wish I wasn’t going to be so far away. You’re right in that it’s not so easy to find purpose. You can’t buy it, and I can’t give it to you, either. All I can offer you is a start – something productive to do with your time while you search.”
“Like what?”
“I would like you to consider training to be a guard.”
There were words, there had to be, but he couldn’t find them.
“It wouldn’t have to be a permanent decision, but it would be something. It would give you a chance to gain some new skills and meet some new people as well. I think it might be good for you to make some attachments here outside of Quinn’s inner circle.”
“Can I just do that? Just become a guard?”
“Yes. It’s normally a long process but you’re a special case – already a decorated hero. You’d start out in training – Dorian Blackwelder has agreed to take you on as an apprentice, if you’re willing. Truthfully, Zander – Quinn could use another guard she can trust implicitly.”
“Does Quinn know you’re asking me this?”
“Yes. Although I will admit this was my idea. While she agrees that you might enjoy it and that she would be honored to have you among her guards, she was very wary of asking you. She doesn’t want you to feel as though she expects it, or that you’re not welcome here without taking on such a role. As I said when I came in here, this entire conversation is me overstepping and acting as a father. I’m suggesting this because I want you to find a way to be happy here. Maybe even meet a girl.”
He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think meeting a girl is a great idea when I’m lying about who I am and where I came from, and I might leave and go back to another world someday.”
“ That , right there is exactly what I’m worried about,” Stephen said, sighing. “I’m worried that you’re going to put your entire life – your entire self – on hold while you wait for a possibility that may never come. You’re here, and you need to live like you’re here. If you have the chance to return to your world someday, and that’s what you choose, you can deal with the consequences then. As far as the lying, when you meet the right girl, you won’t have to. You’ll know she’s the right girl because you’ll be able to tell her everything about your real self.”
“I’m sure that will go over well. You can’t tell me you’d allow one of your daughters to marry someone claiming to be
Learning to Kill: Stories