Let Me In by Michelle Lynn Read Free Book Online

think about the first time I came here alone.
    After my dad left, Brady never looked at me the same and I didn’t blame him. That first time, I cried on my mother’s tombstone for half the day, only leaving when the groundskeeper told me that I had to go because they were closing the cemetery. When I grabbed my bike that was resting against the tree, I remember feeling lost and alone with nowhere to go. It was the first time I realized that I had no one. No family, no friends, but most of all, no one to love and no one that loved me.
    The grey tombstone is more noticeable than the others with its large, heart-shaped form. ‘Mindy Sue Bishop’ is engraved on it, along with the words ‘loving wife and mother’. I remember the day my dad picked it out like it was yesterday. I sat in the adjacent room, brewing with hatred for her, as he talked with the funeral director about options and expenses. How could she leave me? Why did this happen to my family? These questions and others, all of which were borne out of grief, traveled through my mind for the entire first year after her death.
    When I found her first letter on my bed the day we buried her, I wept while reading it.
     
    My Dearest Grant,
                  I imagine this was a hard day for you. Please remember, I am with you…always. When you miss me, talk to me. I will be listening, no matter the time of day. I live within you now, son. Put your hand over your heart and you will find that mine now beats with yours.
    I love you, Grant. I lived my life for you, something you will understand someday when you have your own children. You and your dad take care of each other and be thankful that you have one another to love.
    Talk to you soon.
     
    Love,
    Mom
    XOXO
     
    I read that letter over and over again that night. By midnight, the anger swept over me again and I ripped it to shreds, tossing the small pieces into the toilet and flushing it before collapsing on the cold tile floor in a panic, desperately trying to get it back. For years I regretted that day, but I was thankful that I had embedded the words into my head.
    I brush off the snow that has accumulated in the crevice of the heart and place the flowers that I picked up from the florist down on the ground.
    “Hi, Mom.” I know I don’t have to come here to talk to her, but this is where I feel the closest to her. “I got your letter at Christmas. Thank you. They’re ending soon, you know. I only have five or so left. I saw Mr. C today and he’s doing better. Oh, and my classes have started off okay.”
    Suddenly, I have the urge to tell her who has been on mind. It couldn’t possibly hurt, I tell myself. “I met someone, Mom. Her name is Jessa Harrison and she’s from Colorado. She’s a senior, too. There’s something about her I can’t shake. Like a part of me wants to save her, but she’s independent, Mom. She doesn’t need my help with anything. She’s tough and strong-willed. I’ve never met anyone like her before. Not that it matters because she’s got a boyfriend. So I guess it’s a moot point. I just wish I could stop thinking about her. She consumes my whole day, either frustrating me to bench press my weight or causing me to wake up smiling from the most amazing dream of her. I think she likes me, too, but she loves her boyfriend. And I refuse to put myself out there, only to get my heart broken, or worse, break hers. Just a few months and I’ll be onto my real life anyways, but she does make me second guess my whole life plan.” I finish speaking and pick up some bare tree branches around the headstone. Kissing my fingers, I place it on the grey stone. “Bye, Mom, talk to you soon.”
     
    Jessa
    “Come on, it will be fun,” Rob tells me, leading me into the nightclub. I still haven’t figured out why he’s brought us all here. Usually we hang out at the bars rather than hit the dance club scene. Since he somehow swindled us in with only a shared look between him and