Letters to Nowhere by Julie Cross Read Free Book Online Page B

works better than sugary drinks.”
    Like I would actually eat something from a bag that holds diapers .
    I watched her bend down to the little car seat resting on the floor by the beams and place a pacifier in Olivia’s mouth. She used her foot to rock the seat back and forth while keeping an eye on Stevie’s beam routine.
    Grief heavier than I’d ever experienced in the last three weeks swept over me. Would Stacey be there for Olivia when this happened to her years from now? Most likely she would. The odds were in her favor. And most likely she’d be around for all the events that followed this one.
    But my mother had already missed this and everything after. She might have been a little materialistic and self–centered at times, but she would have made this whole period thing so much easier. I could practically hear her voice in my head.
    “Yeah, it sucks, Karen, but at least you don’t have to keep worrying about when it’s going to happen.”
    She would have done something special, but not humiliating. Like planning a girls’ night downtown. Maybe even stay in a hotel and shop and watch movies all night. She would know exactly how to tell my dad and not have him feel like his little girl was suddenly going to move out and get married to some asshole. And Mom would never let me feel bad about growing up. Not that Coach Bentley or Stacey would out loud, but silently…
    Olivia’s little eyes fluttered shut and I couldn’t stand it a second longer. I had to get out of here or I’d fall apart in front of everyone.
    My eyes stayed on the banana in my hand. “Actually, I’m not feeling well. I just puked in the bathroom. I thought it would go away, but I’m still really nauseous.”
    “Stomach flu,” Stacey said, nodding. “We better get you out of here before it spreads like wildfire. I can’t have all my gymnasts coming down with the runs, can I?”
    I shook my head and left to retrieve my stuff. This was only the second time in my life I’d missed practice due to illness, and the first time in my life that I’d faked it. When I returned from the locker room a few minutes later, Stacey had already arranged for one of the other coaches to drop me off on her way home.

CHAPTER FIVE
    T onight, I opted to ring the doorbell, not wanting a recurrence of last night, since Jordan’s car was parked out front. He opened the door, giving me a bewildered look, but I just strode past him and headed upstairs to retrieve some laundry.
    It wasn’t that the washer was all that complicated, but standing in the laundry room with a stained leotard that happened to be the last thing my mom had ever given me, plus the majority of my underwear and sports bras that badly needed washing, I couldn’t help but feel like I was on another planet.
    Stay–at–home moms washed their kids’ clothes. Laundry was something I’d do when I got to college.
    When I returned to the laundry room later, to switch the load, I realized my mistake right away.
    “Oh no! Damn it.” Tears sprung to my eyes. The beautiful jeweled light pink leotard had turned a weird grayish purple, but splotchy. I yanked out my brand new navy sweat pants and tossed them onto the floor before holding my ruined outfit up to the light, examining the damage with shaking hands.
    “My guess is that was hand–wash only?” Jordan poked his head into the room, probably after hearing my cry of distress.
    His joke hit me a little too hard and I couldn’t control my emotions this time. I tried to wipe away the tears faster than they fell, but failed completely. Jordan stood there in silence, not moving a muscle. He looked like he wanted to say something but either couldn’t or didn’t know what to say. I decided to let him off the hook.
    “Just don’t tell your dad,” I pleaded with him, wiping my nose on my sleeve.
    “Don’t tell him that your pink leotard is now purple?” he asked tentatively. “Or that your balance beam routine would score higher than your