Lights Out by Jason Starr Read Free Book Online

talking, Ryan discovered that he was as nervous around her as he had been when he was a teenager, his mouth getting dry and his heart beating out of control, as if he’d just run a forty-yard dash. When she asked him where he was going, he couldn’t say, ‘To jump in front of a subway,’ so he said, ‘Oh, no place - just back home.’ She told him how great it was to see him, and about how most of her old friends from high school had moved out of Brooklyn, and suggested that they get together sometime. Ryan said that sounded great to him, and they exchanged numbers.
    Ryan returned to his car, suddenly realizing that for the first time since his baseball career ended he had a reason to live.
    He called Christina the next day, and they arranged to meet at the Arch Diner for dinner. Although it wasn’t a real date, because Christina was still with Jake, Ryan had never had a better time with a girl. They stayed at their table for over three hours, getting refills on their coffees and talking about people they knew from the neighborhood. Christina talked a little bit about her strained relationship with Jake, which made Ryan happy, and Ryan told her about how his baseball career had ended. She offered support, telling him that he just had to find something else he loved, and Ryan looked at her, smiling, because he knew he already had.
    Ryan and Christina started getting together all the time, going to diners or bars, or just watching TV at each other’s houses. Ryan became as absorbed in Christina as he used to be in baseball. He couldn’t stop thinking about her when they were apart, and he wanted her as badly as he used to want to be a major-league starter. Whenever she started complaining about how unhappy she was with Jake, Ryan prayed she’d announce she was going to break up with him so he could have his shot. Sometimes he watched Jake on TV, talking to a reporter after a game, acting like Mr Nice Guy, with that phony game-show-host smile, and it killed him inside that Christina was still with him. Ryan could have told Christina stories of how Jake had cheated on her and lied to her, but he didn’t see the point in telling her what she already knew but just didn’t want to admit. Obviously Christina liked the idea of being engaged to a famous baseball player - even if he was the world’s biggest dick - and Ryan knew that if he tried to convince her to break up with Jake it would only work against him. If she was going to leave Jake, she had to do it on her own.
    Ryan called her a lot, sometimes four or five times a day. He just liked to hear her voice and see what she was doing. Whenever she mentioned Jake’s name or said that they’d talked on the phone, he’d get jealous as hell. The times when she flew to Pittsburgh or some other city to be with him were unbearable. Ryan would lock himself in his room and listen to rap, trying to get hold of himself, but he couldn’t stop imagining Christina and Jake together.
    One night Ryan was at Christina’s, watching TV, and her father was out playing poker. Christina hadn’t heard from Jake in over two weeks and he wasn’t returning her calls, and Christina was more pissed off than Ryan had ever seen her. At some point there was a lull in the conversation, and they looked into each other’s eyes. A moment later Ryan was kissing her. At first she kept her lips tightly shut and Ryan thought,
Fuck, I blew it,
and then her mouth opened and she started kissing him back in full force. A few minutes later they were in her bed, making love. It would’ve been perfect, like a dream come true, if it weren’t for his damn control problem.
    Ryan had never had trouble lasting before, but he could hold out for only about ten seconds with Christina. He thought it was first-time jitters, but the next time it happened again. Sometimes he couldn’t last long enough to
start
making love to her, and he’d come while taking down her panties, unhooking her bra, or just kissing her.