Lila Shortcuts by Sarah Alderson Read Free Book Online Page B

Washington State. It was Fall, the leaves tumbling from the trees in confetti gusts. You were walking with another boy – I now know it was Alex. The two of you were with a group of girls. You had your arm around one, were making her laugh. I watched you and the pieces fell into place like fruit on a slot machine. Three in a row. The thunder of coins cascading.
    You were eighteen. I did the math. But even if I hadn’t it would have been obvious if you’ve ever seen photographs of me. I wonder whether you’ve ever noticed it yourself; the dark hair, the olive skin. You have your mother’s eyes but you are very definitely your father’s son.
    The knowledge that your mother had lied to me for all those years was nothing compared to the joy I felt at seeing you and at realising I had a son.
    I wasn’t angry. I understood why Melissa had left, why she had never told me about you. I would not have made a good father. Or perhaps I would. Perhaps knowing I had a child, that I was responsible for another human being, would have been my incentive to change, to be the person that Melissa hoped once I would be. Perhaps that would have redeemed me. But I can’t blame Melissa for not wanting to put that to the test. Michael, the man you grew up knowing as your father, was . . . is a good man. He did a good job raising you.
    I imagine the two men from Stirling Enterprises who visited you that bright fall day wearing dark suits and wraparound sunglasses spun you a story of national security but also tugged sharply at those filial bonds. Did they dangle me before you like a carrot? See who you can help us catch if you join the Unit? The man who murdered your mother in cold blood. The man who would destroy the world.
    How can the truth compete with a story like that?
    For two years I’ve kept my silence. I thought it was safer than having you know the truth. If you had known the truth then what might you have done? Gone after Stirling? After Burns? I think you might have. If you are anything like me, which I think you are, then yes, I’m fairly sure this is what you would have done. And I had already handled that and was handling Stirling. I didn’t need you getting involved, endangering yourself for nothing. You’d go from being the hunter to being the hunted. They would try to kill you just as they did your mother.
    My last promise to Melissa was that I would protect you and your sister, that I would keep you both safe.
    So forgive me. I am a man. I am a father protecting his son.
    I’ll leave you with one last gift. An image I hold in my heart, a memory I take out and study every day, turning it over in my mind like a piece of sea glass that becomes smoother and more polished with every turn.
    Your mother. She’s nineteen, the age you are now. She’s walking away from me, looking back over her shoulder, her eyes bright, burning with conviction and yet her smile is a gossamer shield to her sadness. She’s wearing a scarf, a coat, her cheeks are red with the cold. She’s clutching books to her chest with one hand and the other hand is pressed to her stomach, a gesture I didn’t recognise the significance of until much later.
    She was walking away from me, leaving me in order to save you.
    As your father, now it’s my turn to do the same.

CATCHING SUKI

Demos is standing by the side of the bus tapping his finger on his watch as I make my approach. I am walking as fast as I can but the grass is slowing me down because Mr Blahnik designed these shoes with red carpets in mind, not fields. But nobody seems to realise this apart from me, because we keep parking in fields by the side of freeways and never on Rodeo Drive.
    ‘Suki,’ Demos says, before I can put one toe on the step, ‘I swear to God if you buy one more pair of shoes I’m going to have Ryder sift every goddamn thought of fashion out of your head. You’ll be wearing overalls and plastic clogs from Walmart for the rest of your days.’
    I stagger back against the