Living Again by L.L. Collins Read Free Book Online

baby’s daddy was much easier. Those are much easier stories to fabricate.
    She brought the ring to her lips, feeling the cold metal against her warm skin. She took a deep breath and then slid the rings off her finger. She held them in her hand, looking at them, in disbelief once again that this was her life. No husband. Gone. Widow. She looked at her finger, the imprint from the rings still there. She wondered how long it would take for those to go away, and knew she would look at her hand every day and miss them. She flexed her fingers and her thumb instinctively moved up to rub her ring finger. It was such a natural physical response. Realizing this was going to be a habit that was hard to break, she broke down.
    “Baby,” she cried, allowing herself to sink down to the floor, the rings still in her hand. “Why me? Why do I have to do this? Why can’t you be here?” Tears wracked her body as she clutched the rings in her fist, feeling them making imprints on her palm. “I never wanted to let you go, Alex. This wasn’t the way this was supposed to be!” Her body shook as she silently cried, clutching her hand to her body as she felt her heart ripping in her chest. She allowed herself one last time of losing it over Alex, then stood up, determined. She wiped her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened the box that the rings came in. Kayley kissed each one, pretending that she could somehow kiss Alex goodbye, then set them into the jewelry box where they would now live forever, instead of the finger where she thought they would always reside.

 
     
    Alexis smashed her hands into the cake, squishing the vanilla frosting between her fingers and squealing in delight. “Mama!” she cried out, showing Kayley her messy hands.
    “Wow, that looks yummy, Alexis!” Kayley laughed, rubbing her daughter’s soft blonde curls. Alexis shoved the cake into her mouth, her blue eyes alight with excitement.
    “Happy First Birthday, Lexi,” Kayley murmured, kissing her daughter’s head as everyone chatted, took pictures, and laughed at Alexis’ one year old antics. Kayley watched her daughter enjoy the cake and look at everyone around her, taking in the attention and love from all of her family and friends.
    What a year it had been. After the first few months of utter desperation and pain after losing Alex and dealing with exhaustion from being a new mom, Kayley had finally started living again. She had gone back to work when Alexis was six months old, leaving her with her very capable grandmother so she could return to the work she loved. Alexis had grown like a weed, hitting every milestone and being Kayley’s absolute lifeline. Kayley had shown Alexis videos of her dad from the very beginning, as well as picture albums. If she showed Alexis a picture of her Daddy now, Alexis would say, “Dada”. It was actually her first word. And boy oh boy did Alexis resemble Alex. She had blonde hair like her mom, but the curls were Alex’s, as well as the blue eyes, the adorable dimples in her cheeks, and her personality. She was a little spitfire and kept everyone on their toes. When she began walking at the age of 10 months, she was into everything and affectionately became known as Hurricane Lexi. Alex’s parents couldn’t believe how much she both looked and acted like their son.
    When Kayley looked at her daughter, usually while she was sleeping, that same pain would hit her where she couldn’t rub it away. Her heart ached at the sight of Alexis, because she reminded her so much of Alex, but also because of what he was missing every day. He didn’t know that Alexis couldn’t sleep without her favorite stuffed bear, or that if you rubbed her hair when she was restless she would go right back to sleep. He didn’t know that she loved bananas but hated peaches, or that her favorite activity was to go for a “walk” in the stroller and squeal at all of the animals she saw. He didn’t get to enjoy anything with her, and it