Love, Lipstick and Lies by Katie Price Read Free Book Online

insisted that he needed to change his image so he would be taken more seriously in the acting world, and instead of wearing the trendy clothes that I liked he started wearing trench coats and sleeveless jumpers over shirts, trying to cultivate this preppie image. It wasso not him, and so not how I like a man to dress. I hated it, to be honest, and thought he looked like a bouncer. And, yes, I did tell him that.
    But I could have coped with all the training and the difficulties over money, even with his fame obsession. It was his alter ego Roxanne who ultimately destroyed our marriage. I think because I had been initially accepting of what he did, Alex took advantage and pushed it to the very limit. It was like I gave him an inch and he took a mile. Because I was open-minded, he saw that as a green light to go ahead and do whatever he wanted. As far as I am concerned he completely abused my trust. The first time Alex had shown me Roxanne, he hadn’t been like that at all, he had still been himself; otherwise I wouldn’t have wanted to be with him, no question.
    After our wedding blessing in July, things took a very sinister turn. I felt as if Roxanne was taking over my husband. It was no longer something he did every now and then, once in a blue moon; it seemed more and more frequent, and was deeply disturbing to me. I came to absolutely dread the whole becoming Roxanne ritual.
    ‘Please don’t do it,’ I would beg him. ‘Please.’ But it was as if he couldn’t stop. He was driven to do it.
    I knew the whole routine by heart. It started with Alex getting that vacant, glazed look in his eyes. He seemed to love the ritual. In fact, he told me that he loved the preparation most of all and took his time, spending over two hours getting ready to be Roxanne. He would begin at night, while I was pottering round the house orwatching TV. I hated it. By now I knew that once he had changed into her, he would be like that all night.
    The picture of Alex dressed up in kinky black underwear, which was taken when we were at the BloodLust ball, is a good example of his getting-ready routine. He would always begin by having a bath and shaving his whole body. Next came make up, and he’d want red fake nails, red lipstick, fake lashes, the works. All the time he’d be planning what he was going to wear. He’d always want fishnets and suspenders, plus a tight little dress. He would parade around the room staring into the mirror, change the dress, change the wig, until he had found the combination he liked. He would always put on vibrating nipple clamps, which is why he hasn’t got any nipples left. Awful, I know, but that’s the truth as I mentioned when I went on The Graham Norton Show .
    And once he was fully transformed into Roxanne he was lost to me. He loved doing all this so much … too much. More than anything else, it seemed, and he didn’t care what I thought or how it made me feel. I felt that I was nothing to him at those times. Alex had retreated into his own little world where no one else could reach him.
    ‘Alex, Alex! Stop it!’ I would plead with him, but there was no response. I would click my fingers in front of his face and he wouldn’t even register me doing it. It was frightening to see him so withdrawn.
    And he wanted me to do more and more extremethings to him. Think of the most disturbing porn you could imagine, and times that by ten, and only then are you getting close to what I witnessed and what Alex wanted me to join in with. I couldn’t believe some of the things that he wanted me to do to him and, looking back, I can’t believe that I did them. But it had been a gradual progression, a slippery slope, and now I was in a room with a man I didn’t even know, doing things that weren’t normal. This wasn’t role play, this wasn’t experimental, this was sick. I didn’t want this in my life. I felt that what he was making me do, and what I had to see him doing to himself, wasn’t human. It was