Love's Executioner by Irvin D. Yalom Read Free Book Online

from you that for the next six months you will do nothing physically self-destructive. If you feel on the verge, call me. Phone me at any time and I’ll be there for you. But if you make any attempt—no matter how slight—then our contract is broken, and I will not continue to work with you. Often I put this down on paper and ask for a signature, but I respect your claim to always honor your resolutions.”
    To my surprise, Thelma shook her head. “There is no way I can promise you this. I get into moods when I know it’s the only way out. I’m not going to close off this option.”
    “I’m talking about the next six months only. I’m not asking for any longer commitment, but I won’t start without this. Do you want to think some more about it, Thelma, and we’ll schedule another meeting next week?”
    She immediately became conciliatory. I don’t think she had expected me to take such a firm stand. Even though she gave no evidence of it, I believe she was relieved.
    “I can’t wait another week. I want us to make a decision now and to start therapy right away. I’ll agree to do my best.”
    “Do my best”—I didn’t feel that this was enough, yet hesitated to get into a control struggle so quickly. So I said nothing but simply raised my eyebrows.
    After a minute or a minute and a half (a long silence in therapy), Thelma stood up, offered me her hand, and said, “You have my promise.”
    Next week we commenced our work. I decided to maintain a sharp focus on relevant and immediate issues. Thelma had had sufficient time (twenty years of therapy!) to explore her developmental years; and the last thing I wanted to focus on were events dating back sixty years.
    She was highly ambivalent about therapy: although she regarded it as her only hope, she never had a satisfying session. Over the first ten weeks I learned that, if we analyzed her feelings toward Matthew, her obsession tormented her for the next week. If, on the other hand, we explored other themes, even such important issues as her relationship with Harry, she considered the session a waste of time because we had ignored the major problem of Matthew.
    As a result of her discontent, our time together became ungratifying for me as well. I learned not to expect any personal rewards from my work with Thelma. I never experienced pleasure from being in her presence and, as early as the third or fourth session, realized that any gratification for me in this therapy would have to issue from the intellectual realm.
    Most of our time together we devoted to Matthew. I inquired about the precise content of her daydreams, and Thelma seemed to enjoy talking about them. The ruminations were highly repetitious: most were a fairly faithful replay of any one of their meetings during the twenty-seven days. The most common was their first encounter—the chance meeting in Union Square, the coffee at the St. Francis, the walk to Fisherman’s Wharf, the view of the bay from Scoma’s restaurant, the excitement of the drive to Matthew’s “pad”; but often she simply thought of one of his loving phone conversations.
    Sex played a minor role in these thoughts: rarely did she experience any sexual arousal. In fact, though there had been considerable sexual caressing during her twenty-seven days with Matthew, they had had intercourse only once, the first evening. They had attempted intercourse two other times, but Matthew was impotent. I was becoming more convinced that my hunch about his behavior was correct: namely, that he had major psychosexual problems which he had acted out on Thelma (and probably other unfortunate patients).
    There were so many rich leads that it was hard to select and concentrate on one. First, however, it was necessary to establish to Thelma’s satisfaction that the obsession had to be eradicated. For a love obsession drains life of its reality, obliterating new experience, both good and bad—as I know from my own life. Indeed, most of my deeply