Love's Illusions: A Novel by Jolene Cazzola Read Free Book Online Page B

hit the snooze button, lacking even enough strength to pull my arm back under the covers – my eyes closed again. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! “Shut up!” I yelled hitting snooze a second time. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! “Okay, okay, Jesus Christ, just SHUT UP,” I bellowed at the alarm, sitting bolt upright in bed this time turning the miserable thing off. I pulled my knees up around my chest, wrapped my arms around them, and let my head fall down on top as I attempted to open my eyes… Thank God the sun was gone, and all I had to contend with outside the window were street lights.
    Even though I wasn’t hungry, I dug some leftovers out of the refrigerator, and forced myself to eat a couple pieces of ham and some rice, melting sharp cheddar cheese over the top of the rice by popping it under the broiler for a few minutes while I changed clothes, and put on some makeup. After swallowing what food I could, I grabbed my jacket, and made my way to work, it was a lot colder today than it was yesterday. Saturdays at The Canteen were usually pretty busy, and I was hoping that tonight would be no exception – I didn’t want any time to think about the events of the day.
    ~~~~~~~~
    There were only about five or six people in the bar when I arrived; I glanced around the room, and saw that they were all regulars – well it was early after all. Rick greeted me as I came down the stairs yelling, “Hey Jackie, why did you disappear last night? I turned around, and you were gone… Mike told me he found you across the street hanging on the phone pole… Good one girl … you were fucked up!” The faces turned to see what was going on for a moment, but since they were all guys that knew me, they had little interest in me being ‘fucked up’ again: they had seen it many times before.
    “Yeah I was. Don’t give me any booze tonight – I don’t care how many times I ask, don’t give it to me,” I replied motioning him to join me at the deserted end of the bar. Lowering my voice I continued, “But I could use some of that wonderful, mellow grass you had the other day – got any left? When did you talk to Michael?”
    “I saw him at the garage this afternoon – he’s helping me install some new chrome on my bike. He was pretty pissed when he went out to look for ya, like worried, ya know, but I guess you guys…” He hesitated as the smirk on his face grew into a full-fledged grin. “I guess you guys made up … huh? I’ll never understand what he has that I don’t – he can’t even tie a knot in a cherry stem with his tongue. I’m telling ya Jackie, ya don’t know what you’re missin’.”
    This was an ongoing conversation I had with Rick now almost every night, by this time it was almost scripted. I smiled as I recited my lines, “You know it’s against Charlie’s rules – you don’t want me to get fired do ya? Who would you torment if I wasn’t here? Charlie said he wasn’t going to hire any more women, and…”
    Right on cue, Rick cut off my response, his eyes dancing with delight “What Charlie doesn’t know won’t hurt him – I won’t tell – I promise, I won’t tell him or Mike.”
    “Right, you’re so full of shit – Charlie knows everything that happens in this place and Michael’s your friend, you introduced us. Besides, you know I need something in reserve to fanaticize about,” I countered, in my best put-on flirtatious tone, grinning back, tilting my head and blowing him a kiss across the bar. Rick dramatically caught the kiss with both hands, pressed it to his heart and sighed. Ritual conversation over, we both laughed.
    “But seriously, why did you leave the bar last night?” Rick asked with just the slightest hint of concern in his voice, “I’ve never seen you go off like that before.” One of the regulars had walked up to the bar with his empty beer glass, and was now staring at Rick. Rick just waved his hand in a dismissive, be right there, kind of gesture and the guy looked