Love...Under Different Skies by Nick Spalding Read Free Book Online Page A

few things to tell you about,” Grant says. “There’re a few things you need to know about the area.”
    “Go on,” I say, trepidation writ large across my face.
    “First off, ignore the koalas at night. The little bastards like to use the back garden as a shortcut to the gum trees across the road. You can hear them snorting like pigs at all hours.”
    Oh dear.
    “Also, if you see a big brown spider with long legs you’re fine, it’s just a huntsman and they’re harmless.”
    “Good to know.” There’s a squeaky quality to Jamie’s voice that worries me deeply.
    “If you see a little black bastard with red on its back, though, you might want to avoid it. They’re redbacks and can kill you faster than a croc with a toothache.”
    “And what do you suggest we do if we can’t avoid it?” Jamie asks, the squeak now so bad he’s starting to sound like one of the chipmunks.
    “Ah, stick a glass over it and come get me. She’ll be right.”
    “Okay.” Jamie is holding Poppy much more tightly in his arms and is slowly backing into one corner.
    “Lastly, Monty might make an appearance at some point. He normally does when it’s really dry like this.”
    “Monty?”
    Please let Monty be a neighbour or the postman.
    “Yeah, Monty. He’s the ten-foot scrub python we’ve got hereabouts. Likes to sleep in the eaves on the roof, so if you hear something moving around up there, don’t panic.”
    Don’t panic? This lunatic has just told me there’s every chance a snake large enough to swallow my daughter whole is going to be our roommate, and he tells me not to fucking panic?
    Jamie has started to make a high-pitched keening noise and is holding Poppy so tight she’s starting to turn blue.
    “Thanks Grant,” I say on autopilot.
    “No worries! Ellie will be home soon, and she’ll get on with tea. We’re having tofu burgers and lentil salad.”
    “Sounds lovely.”
    It does not sound lovely. It sounds like the kind of thing they’d serve up in an internment camp.
    “I’ll leave you folks alone for a while, then. You’ve got your own dunny when you need it. Just head out of the double door and straight down the garden path. Make sure you don’t trip on a koala in the night. I did that once and the little bastard bit my ankles.”
    This is hell on Earth.
    Grant ducks under the blind, leaving me with my red-faced husband.
    “Why, Laura?” he intones. “Why would you do this to us?” he holds Poppy up. “Why would you do this to our daughter?”
    “It’s not that bad,” I say, not believing a word of it.
    “Not that bad? We’re all going to die in our sleep, Laura. That skinny maniac will come in tomorrow to find my rigid corpse covered in redbacks, you torn to pieces by the local koala gang, and Monty, the giant fucking python, sunning himself in the garden with a Poppy-shaped lump in his belly!”
    “Don’t be so silly.”
    “Oh no, you’re absolutely right. I am being silly. That won’t happen to us at all. We’re just going to get murdered by the living skeleton of a hippy sailor and his tofu-cooking wife.”
    “Keep your voice down.”
    “Why should I? I want to make the most out of my voice box before it gets torn out by the nearest marsupial.” Jamie’s voice then lowers to a hiss. “And why the fuck is there a picture of Steve Redgrave in the garden?”
    “I have no idea!”
    “Hellooo!” From the living room we hear a new female voice. This must be the lady of the house.
    “Shut up, Jamie! We have to go meet Ellie.”
    “Yes, we’d better say hello fast, before she gets attacked by something.”
    Giving Jamie a look laced with venom, I raise the hideous blind and storm out of the bedroom, husband and child in reluctant tow. We’re greeted with what looks like the ghost of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat .
    A small ball of brightly coloured material is floating its way across the hardwood floor. The ball has an enormous smile perched on top of it. “Hi!