Love...Under Different Skies by Nick Spalding Read Free Book Online Page B

You must be Laura and Jamie. It’s just delicious to meet you.”
    Oh great. A podgy colour-blind Australian cannibal.
    Ellie hovers up to me, her feet completely obscured by the diaphanous rainbow dress she’s wearing. I go in for a polite British handshake. She goes in for a hearty Australian hug.
    This results in me punching her in the boob, which she ignores and throws her arms around my waist. “So lovely to see you both!”
    My nostrils are assailed by what I can only assume is the outflow from a nearby perfume factory. Either that or Ellie must bathe in the stuff.
    “It’s so fantastic to have you stay with us!” she says and noisily kisses me on both cheeks.
    Grant has reappeared from another room with a big smile on his bony face. I turn to look at Jamie. We’ve been married long enough for something of a telepathic link to have been established between us. I know without a doubt that what’s currently going through his mind is, She’s going to hug me next. I’m going to be suffocated by a walking haystack of technicolour vomit. I must find a way to avoid it at all costs. He looks down at Poppy who is still wriggling in his arms. I see an idea forming in that overcooked brain of his. The bastard is about to sacrifice our daughter to save his own hide.
    “Hey Poppy! Go say hello to the nice lady!” Jamie squeaks, planting Poppy on the floor and giving her bottom a swift pat. He then backs away in the manner of a bomb-disposal expert.
    Poppy is, of course, oblivious to the treachery, and with arms outstretched she runs towards the delighted Ellie, who gathers her up.
    “Hello little Poppy! I’ve heard so much about you, too!”
    From the sound of things Alan Brookes has been bloody thorough.
    Poppy giggles. Then her nose crinkles. The perfume has found its way to her delicate three-year-old olfactory membrane.
    Small children don’t have the social niceties we adults are forced to obey. They therefore think nothing of sneezing right in someone’s face.
    Ellie emits a high-pitched squawk and lets my daughter go. Thankfully, Grant has what appear to be catlike reflexes and grabs Poppy before she can make friends with the floorboards. “Easy there sweetheart!” he says, putting Poppy back on the ground, who proceeds to sneeze two more times and run back to her daddy.
    I can see the smile trying to work its way onto his cowardly little face, so I turn quickly back to Ellie. “Sorry about that Ellie. Must be the strange pollen in the air.”
    “No worries,” she replies, wiping Poppy snot off her forehead.
    “Well, now that we’ve all met,” says Grant, “I suggest we get some dinner on the go. What do you say?”
    Ellie suggests that this is a marvellous idea. I smile halfheartedly. Jamie tries not to grimace at the thought of eating tofu burgers, and Poppy sneezes three more times, wetting herself. This breaks up the meeting, and we retire to our room to take care of our damp and angry three-year-old.
     
    So that was how we came to be staying in 1950s Australia, Mum. Grant and Ellie are extremely nice people, but I don’t know how long they’re likely to stay like that with us living under the same roof.
    Love and miss you, as ever.
    Your awkward British daughter, Laura
    xx
     

JAMIE’S BLOG
    Tuesday 10 January
    The night.
    It clings to me. The stifling heat. The cloying darkness. I lie in a pool of sweat, watching the broken ceiling fan rotate above my head, its low hum starting to lull me into an uneasy sleep. I’m responsible for the fact it’s broken, for reasons I shall come to shortly. My eyes close, the drowse of sleep overcomes me. Then it happens again…
    Snorg!
    My eyes snap open. A small wail escapes my parched lips.
    Snorg!
    I would cry but I’ve sweated out every millilitre of water from my body since climbing into bed.
    Snorg! Snorg!
    They’re fucking koala bears, for crying out loud!
    Koala bears are supposed to sit in eucalyptus trees, eating leaves and moving their heads