sharks.
“But….”
“No, you are wrong, William.” My mother’s tone of voice was firm. She stood up and handed me the baby so she could stand nose-to-nose with my father. “Being gay does not mean you molest children. It simply means you love someone who happens to be the same gender as you. Now I suggest you rapidly change your mind and your closed-minded perspective or you may find yourself sleeping in the guest room for the foreseeable future.”
Ouch! Mum had brought out the big guns. Banned from the marital bed was Dad’s worst nightmare. Dad turned red and huffed and puffed and we all waited for an explosion, but he simply spun on his heels and slammed out the back door, leaving an uncomfortable silence. I called after him, hoping he would hear. “I’m not gay, Dad!”
“Really?” Ben. I gritted my teeth and glared.
Mum patted my arm as she walked past. “Never mind, sweetie. If you decide to be gay, then you will know we are all okay with it.”
“But I’m not gay!” My voice was starting to get a whiny singsong sound to it. Maybe the cows were singing? I was now certain no one was listening to me. My brothers were all turning back to their conversations, the situation dealt with and forgotten. Candice and Anita followed Mum into the kitchen and I was left with Alison, who stole baby Isaac off me for a cuddle. She eyed me with a hopeful expression. “Are you sure you are not even the tiniest bit gay?”
“What?”
“It’s just if you were you could help me out of a really tight spot.”
“Huh?”
She sighed at me. “One of my bridesmaids has bailed on me. I’m short a girl. If you would be willing to dress up in baby pink I could put you into my wedding party.” Ben had asked Cameron to be his best man and two other mates to stand up with him. The rest of us brothers weren’t in the wedding party, which I was eternally grateful for.
I spluttered. “I am not a girl! Do I look like I wear dresses?”
Alison eyed me up and down as if sizing me for a puffy pink bridesmaid ensemble. “It wouldn’t have to be a dress, silly. If I could just find a suit in the same shade of pink….”
“No!”
“Or even a light-gray suit with a pink waistcoat. Could you do that for me?”
“No! I. Am. Not. Gay.”
She shrugged as if I hadn’t just shouted in her face and cooed at the baby. “I think some men look great in pink.”
I had to agree. Jay had worn pink a number of times and looked smashing in it. But of course I couldn’t say that to Alison, not after making such a fuss about not being gay. Or should I say after lying about not being gay.
I request a brief recess, Your Honor. The witness’s pants are on fire.
I joined my brothers with my beer and some anxiety, waiting for the sly comments, but nothing more was said about the scene, and it was just like any other Sunday Roast. Dad was a bit off, a bit less jovial than usual, but we ignored him. Nothing to make a fuss over unless one of us decided to come out of the closet, right?
Dale and Candice offered me a ride home after lunch and I gladly accepted. I soon found out it was a foolish move. Candice started off the inquisition, turning to look over her shoulder to the back seat where I was sitting next to a sleepy baby.
“Liam, you know that Dale and I are perfectly okay with you being gay, don’t you?”
“I’m not gay!” Was I beginning to sound like a broken record to anyone else?
“It’s been four years since you had a girlfriend, Liam.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “So? That’s your evidence? I haven’t had a girlfriend so I must be gay? May I point out the lack of boyfriend to prove your point?”
“And it is not like you are an unattractive guy. You are cute and funny, that’s why I went out with you.”
“Yeah, and then you dumped me. Remember that, Candy? Maybe I am still heartbroken over the loss.”
“Don’t call me Candy!”
“Then don’t call me gay!”
We stared at each other before she