her. Just rolled her eyes and shook Diane off her arm. She told Diane to go ahead, that sheâd come in a minute. Diane told her to hurry and then walked back toward the house.
I turned back around toward the ocean and closed my eyes really tight. I thought maybe Lauren would just take the hint and follow Diane back into the house. I didnât want her to see me cry. I didnât want to cry, but I couldnât help it. I knew that my mascara was going to run and Iâd look like a raccoon.
I felt Lauren walk up next to me, so I opened my eyes. She was staring out at the ocean and the lights on the coastline in the distance. She was quiet for a minute, then I felt her pat me on the back and say, All the cute ones are gay. I tried to smile, but I was so embarrassed.
When I was quiet, she just kept talkingâlike it was easy. I could tell she was one of those girls who could talk to anybody. I usually hate them because sometimes itâs really hard for me to speak up, but I was glad that she was there. Otherwise it would have just been me crying over the edge of the cliff at a party where I should have been having fun. I HATE that about myself. Most of the time I feel like everyone else is cooler and smarter and prettier than I am. It was nice that she was talkingto me because it gave me a second to chill out and just listen.
Lauren told me that when sheâd first met Ross at that party on the beach with Ian, she thought he was really cute too. And she told me not to feel bad because sheâd thought he was straight âcause of the truck and the surfboards and everything. She told me that she was new to town, too. Sheâd just moved here from New York to live with her dad. His name is Gerald (with a hard G, not a J sound) and heâs a music producer. Blakeâs dad is a movie producer, so basically he is a rich kid who grew up in the Palisades. He dropped out of NYU and started a band. Lauren used to sneak out of the house in New York to go to Blakeâs shows, and she told her dad about his band. Her dad came with her to a show one night and signed the band, so Blake moved back out to Los Angeles.
I asked Lauren why she moved to Los Angeles. She was quiet for a minute, then looked at me and told me that she came to live with her dad because her momâs boyfriend in New York was a total creep who kept hitting on her. She took a sip of her beer, then offered it to me. I smiled at her and told her that I donât like beer.
She laughed really loudly and said, ME NEITHER, then reached over and poured the rest of her beer into the pool. I started laughing too, and it felt good to laugh with somebody. Lauren said Câmon and grabbed my hand and pulled me backtoward the house. I asked her where we were going, and she said to find some good stuff.
I couldnât believe how cool Lauren was and that she was being so nice to me.
Lauren gave Diane the slip again, weaving past her near the door to the house. She said Diane worked at the label for her dad. Diane was trying to introduce Lauren to people, supposedly because Lauren was new in town, but really so that Diane could pretend to be important and cool by running around with her bossâs daughter.
Lauren led us to the bar in the kitchen where Blake was mixing drinks. Ian and Ross were there, passing a joint back and forth. Ross came over and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. He said he was so glad Lauren and I had met each other. Lauren rolled her eyes and jabbed him in the ribs.
What was that for? Ross wanted to know.
Lauren said it was for being a heartbreaker and that we werenât here for hot gay guys, we were here for cosmos.
Blake laughed hard when she said that, shouted COMINâ RIGHT UP, then started pouring vodka and cranberry and some other stuff into a martini shaker. I had never had a cosmo, just seen them on TV. The women drinking them were always wearing high heels like Laurenâs, and they didnât
Learning to Kill: Stories