going to be all right.”
“No! He kissed me—he liked me!”
The room blurred, everything spinning. She tried to fight it, clinging to the bed rails and sobbing “No, no … ” Then the tornado carried her away.
FIVE
SCRATCHES
WHEN she woke up, Dr. Stevens was still waiting.
“Ben,” Maddy croaked.
“Madeline, that was a long time ago. It’s over; it’s time to let Ben go. You have a new life to look forward to. Don’t you think he would want that?”
She glowered at the doctor as if seeing her for the first time. In a flat, weary tone, she said, “You never had any children, did you?”
“Now now, shhh.”
“No, wait, I’m wrong.” Maddy strained to sit up. “You did have a child. But something bad happened, right? It died, or disappointed you … or both.”
“Hush now, that’s enough.”
“So you gave up. You turned cold and made it all about the work. I’m the work, aren’t I? People like me. We’re just substitutes for what you’ve given up—holy shit, you hate us . You’re lying to me, and you’re lying to yourself. You think I’m Pinocchio, but I’m a human being. You’re the one made of wood.”
Dr. Stevens blinked as though dazed. She laughed weakly, and said, “Miss Grant, you’re just experiencing a drug reaction. Try not to speak.”
Maddy collapsed back onto the pillow, all doped up. She was sweating, and her eyes burned with tears. “What do you mean, a long time?” she demanded. “How long have I been here?”
“Fourteen months.”
“Fourteen months ?”
“Yes—shhh, don’t scream. You were comatose when we first brought you here, and since then you’ve been through extensive rehabilitation. For most of that time you were unconscious, or delirious. Someone should have cut your nails sooner; that’s how you scratched your hands, I’m sorry. But I’m happy to tell you you’ve turned the corner. Thanks to your recent surgery, we’re confident of a full recovery … perhaps within days. You may not realize it yet, but the change is striking.”
“MADDY! OH, OH, MY BABY!”
Before Maddy could react, her mother swept in like a tornado and fell upon her, sobbing hysterically.
“Oh God oh my sweet baby … ”
“Hey, Mom. Ow.”
Her dad was there, too—her real dad, Roger, not Ben’s handsome father, Sam—but he kept his distance, sagging tearfully against the doorway. Roger Grant knew Maddy didn’t like big emotional displays—she had suffered enough melodrama during the divorce to last a lifetime.
“Mom, I’m not an infant. Come on, it’s okay.”
Her mother sobbed against her awhile longer, then sat up and fumbled a pack of tissues out of her purse. Her face was a disaster.
“Oh my God. I’m sorry, sweetie. It’s just—it’s just that I never thought I’d have you back again. Look at you! I can’t believe it!”
She dissolved once more into wracking sobs. Maddy’s father came forward and put his arm around his ex-wife’s shoulder, saying gently, “That’s enough now, Beth. Maddy’s just woken up; she probably doesn’t need us going to pieces right now.”
“I CAN’T HELP IT!”
“Okay, okay … relax.”
“MY DAUGHTER IS ALIVE! CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?”
“Yes, yes—shh.”
“MY LITTLE GIRL IS BACK! SO JUST—JUST LET US ALONE FOR FIVE SECONDS! JESUS! ”
“Fine. Absolutely. Sorry—go ahead.”
Maddy asked, “You guys haven’t gotten back together by any chance, have you?”
Sniffling, her mother gave a rueful chuckle and blew her nose. “No, honey.”
“We just both wanted to be here for you.”
“Divorce or no divorce, you’re our only daughter.”
Maddy looked at her folks, so broken up. It must have been horrible for them. They looked old and worn-out, as if they were the ones who belonged in the hospital. They were so … pitiful. It was disturbing to see them this way, nothing like the uncritical childish adoration she’d felt for them in her dream. In the dream, they were her
Learning to Kill: Stories