Men at Arms by Evelyn Waugh Read Free Book Online Page A

action.
    ‘It’s remarkable,’ said Guy, ‘I spent weeks badgering generals and Cabinet Ministers and getting nowhere. Then I come here and in an hour everything is fixed up for me by a strange major.’
    ‘That’s often the way. I told you Tickeridge was a capital fellow,’ said Mr Crouchback, ‘and the Halberdiers are a magnificent regiment. I’ve seen them on parade. They’re every bit as good as the Foot Guards.’
    At eleven lights went out downstairs in the Marine Hotel and the servants disappeared. Guy and his father went up to bed. Mr Crouchback’s sitting-room smelled of tobacco and dog.
    ‘Doesn’t look much of a bed, I’m afraid.’
    ‘Last night at Angela’s I slept in the library.’
    ‘Well, I hope you’ll be all right.’
    Guy undressed and lay down on the sofa by the open window. The sea beat below and the sea-air filled the room. Since that morning his affairs had greatly changed.
    Presently his father’s door opened: ‘I say, are you asleep?’
    ‘Not quite.’
    ‘There’s this thing you said you’d like. Gervase ‘s medal. I might forget it in the morning.’
    ‘Thanks most awfully. I’ll always-wear it from now on.’
    ‘I’ll put it here on the table. Good night.
    Guy stretched out in the darkness and felt the light disc of metal. It was strung on a piece of cord, He tied it round his neck and heard his father moving about in his room. The door opened again. ‘I say, I’m afraid I get up rather early and I’ll have to come through. I’ll be as quiet as I can.’
    ‘I’ll come to mass with you.’
    ‘Will you? Do. Good night again’
    Soon he heard his father lightly snoring. His last thought before falling asleep was the uneasy question: ‘Why couldn’t I say “Here’s how” to Major Tickeridge? My father did. Gervase would have. Why couldn’t I?’

BOOK ONE
Apthorpe Gloriosus 
1 
    'HERE’S how,’ said Guy.
    ‘Cheers,’ said Apthorpe.
    ‘Look here, you two, you’d better have those drinks on me,’ said Major Tickeridge, ‘junior officers aren’t supposed to drink in the ante-room before lunch.’
    ‘Oh Lord. I am sorry, sir.’
    ‘My dear chap, you couldn’t possibly know. I ought to have warned you. It’s a rule we have for the youngsters. It’s all rot applying it to you chaps, of course, but there it is. If you want a drink tell the corporal-of-servants to send it to the billiards-room. No one will mind that.’
    ‘Thanks for telling us, sir,’ said Apthorpe.
    ‘I expect you work up quite a thirst pounding the square. The C.O. and I had a look at you this morning. You’re coming along.’
    ‘Yes, I think we are.’
    ‘I heard from my madam today. All’s well on the Matchet front. Pity it’s too far for week-end leave. I expect they’ll give you a week at the end of the course:
    It was early November. Winter had set in early and cold that year. A huge fire blazed in the ante-room. Junior officers, unless invited, did not sit by it; but its warmth reached the humble panelled corners.
    The officers of the Royal Corps of Halberdiers, from the very fact of their being poor men, lived in great comfort. In fashionable regiments the mess was deserted after working hours by all except the orderly-officer. The Halberdiers had made this house their home for two hundred years. As Major Tickeridge often said: ‘Any damn fool can make himself comfortable.’ In their month in the regiment neither Guy nor Apthorpe had once been out to a meal.
    They were the eldest of the batch of twenty probationary officers now under instructions in barracks Another similar group was said to be at the Depot. Presently they would be brought together. Some hundreds of National Service recruits were in training on the coast. Eventually in the spring they would all be interjoined with the regular battalions and the Brigade would form. This was a phrase in constant use. ‘When the brigade forms…’ It was the immediate end of all their present activity, awaited like a