Mine to Lose by T. K. Rapp Read Free Book Online Page A

to
be put off, but I already told Ryan I’d make the trip to San Diego with him to help
him move in.
    “I can do it next Wednesday afternoon, if
that works better?” I add, trying to accommodate him.
    “No, Monday will be fine,” he reassures
me, this time seeming less annoyed. “Ten good for you?”
    “Yes sir,” I reply quickly adding, “I’ll
meet you at your office.”
    I have so much left to do and local
businesses to meet with. I’m sure Mr. Miller will find these vendors to be
acceptable.
    * * *
    Driving to pick Ryan up from work so we
can head to the airport gives me time to think about the last few days. Ryan
and I have been together every evening this week. There is a desperate need to
cling to each other whenever possible, and I do nothing to change the heaviness
of that feeling. This afternoon we are flying out to California to look at the
places that we found online that he thinks will work best for him. I don’t want
to go with him, because the reality of everything will set in, but at the same
time I need to be with him. He booked our flight and said we would make a
weekend of it, but this isn’t the vacation I had in mind. Before I went to work
this morning, I had everything packed up and ready in the back of my car.
    I wish the drive had taken longer,
because I’m not ready for this next part. But I arrive at the ARK Consulting
offices to see Ryan standing outside waiting for me. He looks so different from
the man I’ve been spending my evenings with lately. He appears polished and
sure of himself, whereas the guy I’ve been with is unkempt and laid back, two
things I love about our time alone. This man I’m looking at right now seems so
sure of himself, and this move away is killing me. I just wish he were as torn
up about this whole thing as I am.
    “Hey babe,” he says, before leaning over
to kiss me, as he closes the car door.
    “Hey,” is all I’m able to say back.
    “Everything okay?” He asks as he furrows
his brow.
    “Yeah, everything’s fine,” I lie. “It’s
been a long day and I’m just really tired.”
    “Em.” He shakes his head. “You realize I
know when you’re lying, right?”
    When I look at him, the grin on his face
is enough to melt me on the spot, but I cover well. “I’m not lying.”
    “Alright. Whatever you say.”
    The ride to the airport is thick with
things still unsaid and he seems as morose as I am. This should be a weekend
for us to find some common ground and expectations about what the next year
will mean to us. Instead, fear is keeping me from saying everything I want to.
The drive to the airport is short and after parking the car, Ryan dutifully
gets out and grabs our bags while I lock up. Walking side by side through the
airport, neither of us says a word, except the occasional “here you go” while
dealing with TSA or the ticketing agents.
    I could kick myself, because up until
today things have been good. I suppose it’s the reality of what’s coming that
is making me act this way. It’s not fair to Ryan, especially when he wants to
know what I’m thinking. “I don’t like this, Ryan.” I look down at my hand
that’s twirling my engagement ring around my finger. “We’re going away to find
you a new home. Does that even register as strange to you?”
    He shakes his head and scoffs audibly,
“Yeah, it’s weird. But it won’t be home. Home is our place. Together. This is
just a temporary arrangement.” He reaches for my chin to look into my eyes.
“Can we just try to think of it like that? Enjoy this weekend together? I have
a few things planned.”
    Surprise takes over my bad attitude and I
try to play along. “What do you have planned?”
    He reaches for my hand, brings it to his
lips before kissing it, and gives me a quick wink. “You’ll see.”
    During the two-hour flight, Ryan and I
don’t talk much about his impending move, choosing instead for a lighthearted
conversation about my sister, Langley. She met some