Mission: Earth "Death Quest" by Ron L. Hubbard Read Free Book Online

"Nothing." But he was still chuckling.
    She said, "Jettero, you're always accusing me of being secretive, but you're the one who isn't frank. What are you laughing about?"
    He gave another chuckle. "Name I had once," he said. "How do you like that ice cream? It's called Picasso Pistachio."
    "Jettero, you're going to get Picasso Pistachio in your face if you don't tell me what you are laughing about."
    "It's just a joke. Crown Prince Junior." And he laughed again.
    "That doesn't make any sense, Jettero."
    "I'm sorry. It's just that it's kind of involved. You see, if Delbert John Rockecenter was the emperor of Earth, why then, the name they gave me would have made me Crown Prince Junior. It's completely silly. It's just that it is a beautiful day and you're beautiful and I'm glad to be here sitting with you in the Sculpture Garden of the Museum of Modern Art, watching you eat Picasso Pistachio."
    "Jettero," she said in a deadly voice, "you are trying to put me off. And furthermore, royalty is not something one laughs about. When an emperor signs a proclamation it becomes the law of the land. A proclamation is a very valuable thing. Now sit right there quietly and tell me if somebody, since you landed here, made you a Crown Prince or something."
    "All right," he said. "You sit there quietly and eat your Picasso Pistachio and the court minstrel will entertain you with the harrowing tale of Crown Prince Junior."
    "That's better," said the Countess Krak, smiling.
    "Well, once upon a time, in a dark wood, a space tug landed in the field of an old Virginia plantation." And he continued on. He told her about the birth certificate as Delbert John Rockecenter, Junior. He included a humorous account of Stonewall Biggs, the County Clerk, of Stupewitz and Maulin, the FBI agents. He omitted utterly the late Mary Schmeck. He laughed about the fake family butler, "Buttlesby," and then he went into the events at the Brewster Hotel where Bury had bought the birth certificate off of him, made sure he had no other trace of the name Delbert John Rockecenter, Junior, and then had intended to kill him.
    "So you see," he concluded, "I was not Crown Prince Junior very long. And you now know how the frog turned into Jerome Terrance Wister. And here he sits today, eating ice cream with a gracious lady of the court. The minstrel bows now off the stage and thinks he'll have another cup of hot chocolate."
    When he went inside the cafeteria, the Countess Krak sat there in a deep study.
    He came back, cooled his chocolate and began to sip it.
    The Countess Krak said, "You ought to do something about it."
    Heller laughed. "My dear, if a combat engineer went diving off the job to pursue justice and wreak vengeance every time his fuses didn't work, he would get nothing done at all."
    "Tell me again what that Stonewall Biggs said," she wanted to know.
    "He said, 'Ifn ah can evah be moah help t'you, you jus' yell fo' Stonewall Biggs.'"
    "No, no, no. When he gave you the birth certificate."
    "He said, 'Ah wondered if it would evah come to this.' And he looked at me closely and said, 'So you be Delbert John Rockecenter, Junior.'"
    "And this Bury fellow wanted you killed."
    "He certainly tried," said Heller.
    "Hmm," said the Countess Krak. "That proves it."
    "Proves what?"
    "There really IS a Delbert John Rockecenter, Junior."
    Heller shook his head. "I've looked in the Who's Who. There is no such person listed. Delbert John Rockecenter is unmarried and has no children or direct heirs."
    "You men don't understand these things," said Krak. "And you certainly don't understand royal families, Jettero. Even aristocrats do it."
    "Do what?" said Heller, quite puzzled.
    "Get rid of an heir. Oh, it is all very plain to me. There IS a Delbert John Rockecenter, Junior. And this lawyer Bury is hiding him. He's never seen him so he thought you were him. And they don't have any dungeons or castles on remote islands to throw unwanted heirs in, so Bury tried to assassinate