Mixed Blessings by Danielle Steel Read Free Book Online Page B

herself. She had had no example in her own childhood.

    In fact, it had amazed her when she first saw Brad with his children.

    He was so natural with them, so open, so unafraid, they talked about everything, and he was so demonstrative, and so easily able to show emotion. Pilar couldn't even imagine having a relationship like that with anyone, certainly not a child, until little by little, Brad had helped her to open up to what she felt, and share it with those she cared about. In time, she had grown to be completely at ease with his children, and with him. But it still never led her to want children of her own. And seeing her mother now, even on her wedding day, reminded her again of how deeply her parents had failed her.

    "You look lovely today, Pilar," her mother said awkwardly, almost as though she were speaking to an acquaintance, or a stranger. She was completely unable to let anyone in on the deep mystery of her feelings, or whether she even had any to just an experiment that hadn't worked out for them. But whatever I was, it was always clear that I was not exactly what they had wanted. My father was relieved when I went into law. I think it was the first time he was actually reassured that they hadn't made a terrible mistake having me in the first place.

    They didn't even bother to come to my graduations before that. And of course my mother was furious that I wasn't interested in medicine, but I can't say she ever made it very appealing." In effect, Pilar had grown up in schools. She had once jokingly said to one of her law partners that she was institutionalized, just like some of the people she had defended who had grown up in prisons. And for whatever reason, the coolness of her parents' relationship, their indifference to her, and the politics of her own times had made marriage unappealing to her, and having children something she would never even consider. She didn't want anyone to live a life like hers, and she had no idea how to bring a child up herself. She had had no example in her own childhood.

    In fact, it had amazed her when she first saw Brad with his children.

    He was so natural with them, so open, so unafraid, they talked about everything, and he was so demonstrative, and so easily able to show emotion. Pilar couldn't even imagine having a relationship like that with anyone, certainly not a child, until little by little, Brad had helped her to open up to what she felt, and share it with those she cared about. In time, she had grown to be completely at ease with his children, and with him. But it still never led her to want children of her own. And seeing her mother now, even on her wedding day, reminded her again of how deeply her parents had failed her.

    "You look lovely today, Pilar," her mother said awkwardly, almost as though she were speaking to an acquaintance, or a stranger. She was completely unable to let anyone in on the deep mystery of her feelings, or whether she even had any to begin with. "It's a shame you and Brad are too old to have children."

    Pilar looked at her in complete amazement, unable to believe what she'd just heard. "I can't believe you said that," Pilar said so softly that even Brad didn't hear her. "How dare you make assumptions about our life, or our future?" Her eyes blazed as, from the distance, Marina watched her.

    "You know as well as I do that, clinically, you're hardly a reasonable age to start having children." Her mother looked cool and professional as Pilar lost the battle over her emotions.

    "Women my age have children every day," Pilar blazed, annoyed at herself for taking the bait again. The last thing in the world she wanted was to have a baby. But on the other hand, her mother had no right to assume that she wouldn't, or worse yet, shouldn't. After the little she'd done for her over the years, the least she could do was offer her privacy, and the right to her own choices and opinions.

    "Perhaps in California they do, Pilar. But I see those babies