Momzillas by Jill Kargman Read Free Book Online

Bridget Jones “smug married”: being lonely and miserable was not too distant a memory for me, and I’d never shove marriage in the face of someone single, since I myself could have easily missed Josh by minutes the night we met, and been freaking just like Leigh. She dated a ton but never met the right guy, and she was starting to get depressed. So she did the big no-no and started effing her boss.
    â€œSo,” I started cautiously, as she knew damn well where I stood on her relationship, “how’s Craig?”
    Exhale. “Ugh. Totally in denial,” she replied, shaking her head. “At first I thought the secret work fling was hot and it was totally sexy to have this clandestine affair, banging in the staircase, et cetera. Now I think it’s just creepy,” Leigh said, sipping her cocktail. “I feel like time’s a-ticking, I mean what the fuck am I doing? I’m thirty-one. Cobwebs will start forming in my uterus in exactly five years.”
    â€œNo they won’t. It’s 2005, and that woman had twins at fifty-three. I don’t think you should worry about that. But I do think you’ve got to get out of this Craig thing, Leigh. This is bad. You deserve someone who will worship you and want to shout it from the rooftops, not this sneaky shit.”
    â€œI know, I know.” She looked out the window at the twinkling lights.
    â€œHannah?”
    â€œYeah?”
    â€œYou’re in New York!”
    I laughed as she leaned in to give me a huge hug and we cackled like giddy winners on the
Price Is Right
showcase showdown.
    â€œI mean, have we not been dreaming of this for years?” she said, glowing. “I am so happy you’re here I can’t even tell you. And little Violet. I have missed her so much, precious lamb.”
    â€œShe missed you, too.”
    Leigh looked at me, fully scanning my insides, Robocop-style.
    â€œHannah, I know it’s hard to move. And I’m sorry to wig about your problems with everything. Of course you’re entitled to have issues. I know it’s all relative.”
    â€œNo, you’re right. I can’t complain.”
    â€œSo? Are you okay?”
    I exhaled, not wanted to go into everything that was haunting me. But Leigh was already a New York expert and I still felt overwhelmed. “I just feel like there’s such a scene here—”
    â€œHere’s what you have to learn, right now,” said Leigh sternly. “There is no ‘scene.’ The scene is in your head. I mean, it is there, of course, but it is one of a trillion scenes. It’s not like Seattle, where your mom knows everyone. You can do anything here—learn trapeze, take Finnish, start a sewing circle, anything! There are infinite ways to find new pockets of eccentrics and meet new people.”
    â€œI can’t meet new people,” I said lazily. “The friendship vault is closed.”
    â€œWhat?” she laughed, almost spitting out the olive she’d popped in her mouth. “What
friendship vault
?”
    â€œThere’s no room. I’m closed for business, shut down,” I said, shrugging. “I have no time! I’m exhausted and mushy-brained and also so not…myself. I’m such a zombie. How could I ever make new friends?”
    â€œWell I know at least one person who will want to see you…” she taunted with a raised eyebrow.
    â€œWho?”
    â€œYou know who,” she said, giving me a sly look. “Professor Hayes.”
    Just hearing the name gave me chills.
    â€œLeigh. I am a married woman. I’m in love with Josh, remember?”
    â€œYou’re married, you’re not dead! It’s not like anything really ever happened with him! Plus he’s married with two kids now, so it’s like…safe to call him.”
    â€œNo,” I said, shaking my head. “
No way
would I call him.”
    â€œWhy? I told you, when I bumped into