Monsoon Season by Katie O’Rourke Read Free Book Online

against the side of his glasses as I spoke. His eyebrows knitted together in concentration and he nodded so slightly that I wondered if he had the beginnings of Parkinson’s. He didn’t really say much during our sessions. He asked a lot of questions – about my father, my childhood. How had it made me feel when my father hit my mother? How did I think it had affected me? What had it meant to me to live most of my life without a male role model? What had I learned about men, about anger, about love?
    He asked a lot of questions but didn’t give me many answers. He did give me a prescription for Zoloft. A month without Riley, and I was a wreck.
    Riley had seemed comforted by the fact that I was on medication. She seemed to think that explained away my temper, as though it was proof that things would be better now. That wasn’t exactly what Dr Nelson had said, but I didn’t tell Riley that. I let her believe what she needed to so she’d come back to me. I think people believe what they want to believe about most things.
    I couldn’t answer the phone any more. Its ringing paralysed me. Four rings. Not knowing what I’d do if it was her. Not knowing whether I even wanted it to be her. If I’d have the nerve to pick it up or whether I would just listen to her voice. It always made my heart skip a beat when it was Riley saying, ‘Sorry we’re not here right now. Leave a message and we’ll call you back as soon as we can.’
    She would too. She was always really good about that.
    I hadn’t returned any of the phone calls.
    Beep
.
    ‘Hi, Ben. It’s Mom. Umm, I was just calling to invite you and Riley to dinner some time next week and I wanted to know which night was best for you. So call me. Okay? Okay. Buh-bye.’
    Beep
.
    ‘This message is for Riley Thomas? This is Joan from Dr Rosenberg’s office calling to confirm your two-ten appointment on July tenth.’
    Beep
.
    ‘Ben. This is Doug. Where were you today? Call me.’
    Beep
.
    ‘Ben? This is your mother calling. Are you there? . . . Hmm, I guess I missed you again. Well, I still need to know your schedule so I can plan that dinner. I’m inviting Matt. It’s been a while since I had all my kids together at the same time. So, just let me know if you have a preference. Otherwise we’ll have to go by Matt’s schedule. Call me! Love you, baby. Buh-bye.’
    Beep
.
    ‘Doug again. You’d better call me if you have a good reason for this disappearing act. Otherwise, consider yourself fired.’
    Beep
.
    ‘Hey, Ben. Mom says you’re MIA. Call me back.’
    ‘Matt?’ My voice cracked a bit from lack of use. A moment passed and I thought he had hung up.
    ‘Hey. You are there.’
    ‘Yeah, I’m here.’
    ‘Screening calls?’
    ‘Sort of.’
    ‘I guess I should feel honoured that you picked up for me, eh?’ Matt chuckled.
    ‘Yeah.’ I tried to chuckle back. It hurt my ribs and came out like a cough.
    ‘So Mom’s bugging me ’cause you don’t call her back. What’s that about?’
    ‘Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting. She’s planning a dinner or something?’
    ‘Yeah. She’s decided it’s been too long since we had dinner as a family. She’s making lasagne, I think. We’re supposed to agree on a night.’
    ‘You and me?’ I was stalling.
    ‘Yeah. I guess Amy doesn’t get a vote. So when are you free?’
    ‘Umm, I don’t know.’
    ‘Need to check with Riley?’
    I hesitated. ‘Uh, yeah, I’ll check with Riley and call Mom tonight.’
    Sometimes it was just easier to lie.
    ‘Okay, well, you do that. I told Mom any night except Saturday. I have a blind date.’
    ‘Oh?’ I tried to sound interested.
    ‘Yeah, don’t ask.’
    ‘Okay.’ I was relieved.
    ‘All right, man. I guess I’ll see you this week, then.’
    ‘Yep.’
    ‘Later.’
    I pressed the hang-up button and leaned back. I liked the version of my life that I had sold to Matt. It felt good thinking about Riley coming home from work. Tossing her purse on the kitchen table and