Ms. Hannah Is Bananas! by Dan Gutman Read Free Book Online

1
I Hate Andrea Young
    â€œMiss Daisy! A.J. hit me!”
    â€œI did not,” I said.
    â€œHe did too! He bumped his elbow against my elbow!”
    Andrea Young is so annoying. I barely touched her stupid elbow. She was moaning and holding her arm like an elephant stepped on it.
    I wish an elephant would step on her head . Andrea has been bothering me since we were little kids. And that’s a long time, because now we’re in second grade.
    â€œI saw A.J. do it, Miss Daisy,” said Emily. She is Andrea’s friend and is just as annoying. But in a different way.
    â€œAm I going to have to send anyone to Mr. Klutz’s office?” Miss Daisy asked.
    Mr. Klutz is the principal, and that means he is like the king of the school.
    â€œNo,” me and Andrea said.
    â€œGood, because it’s time for us to go to art class. I don’t want you to miss it. Our art teacher, Ms. Hannah, is really nice, and I’m sure she has some fun activities planned for you.”
    â€œArt?” I said. “I hate art.”
    â€œOh, you hate everything, A.J.,” said Andrea, who thinks she knows everything.
    It just so happens that I do not hate everything. I don’t hate football. I don’t hate skateboarding. I don’t hate trick biking. I don’t hate monster movies. Especially when the monsters crush cars and stuff. But I do hate school, and I especially hate Andrea.
    â€œI love art,” Andrea announced, like anybody really cared. She took out a big art box she had brought from home. It had crayons and colored pencils and other stuff in it. “When I grow up, I want to be an artist. My mom thinks I’m reallycreative. I like to create things.”
    â€œShe should create an empty space where she is right now,” I whispered to my friend Ryan, who sits in the row next to me.
    â€œHahahaha!” Ryan laughed, but Miss Daisy made a mean face at him and he shut up.
    â€œLet’s go, second graders!” she said. “Single file to the art room. Ms. Hannah is waiting for us.”
    Drawing pictures is for babies, if you ask me. And art is stupid.

2
Finger Painting with Ms. Hannah
    Emily was the door holder. My friend Michael who never ties his shoes was the line leader. The art room was all the way on the other side of the school. We had to walk about a million hundred miles to get there. Michael told Miss Daisy it was like walking across the Grand Canyon, soshe let us take drinks from the water fountain outside the art room.
    That’s where Ms. Hannah was standing. She was the funniest-looking lady I ever saw. She was wearing a dress that looked like it was made from a bunch of different-colored washcloths that were sewed together. On her hands were these big mittens that my mom uses when she has to take hot dishes out of the oven.
    Ms. Hannah looked weird.
    â€œGood morning, second graders,” she said as we filed into the art room. “Do you like my new dress? It’s made fromused pot holders that I bought on eBay. I stitched them together.”

    Ms. Hannah spun around so we could get the full effect of her new dress.
    â€œIt’s beautiful!” Andrea said. She is always complimenting (that’s a big word!) grown-ups on everything. Andrea was born old. Personally I thought it was the stupidest-looking dress in the history of the world. I went to sit with my friends Michael and Ryan, but Miss Daisy stopped us.
    She told Ms. Hannah that certain people should not sit next to other certain people. I knew what that meant.
    â€œBoy-girl-boy-girl,” Miss Daisy said,pointing to where we should sit. I had to sit at a table between Andrea and her crybaby friend Emily.
    Miss Daisy gave each of us a name tag to wear so Ms. Hannah would know our names. Then she told Ms. Hannah she would be in the teachers’ lounge in case there was any trouble.
    The teachers’ lounge is where the teachers go when they don’t have to