Much Ado About Muffin by Victoria Hamilton Read Free Book Online

eyes were cold, her expression neutral, but I could tell she was hurt, mostly for her son. She was right; I
could
have come back to Autumn Vale, even if it was just a brief visit. “I care about Virgil, Gogi, but I’ll admit I was confused, and I got caught up in my late husband’s family. I don’t know if I can explain it, but it was like going back to the security and comfort I felt while married to Miguel. This last year has been tough, and being with the Paradiso family . . . it was like shedding all that responsibility for a brief reprieve. Like returning to a cocoon.”
    â€œIt wasn’t just you leaving, or even you staying away,” she insisted. “But you sounded so
different
when you called people.
I
noticed it.
Pish
noticed it. I’m sure Shilo and Virgil did, too.”
    â€œYou’re right.” I paused for a moment and looked down at my hands, wanting to get the words right. “At first, all I could think about was coming back to Autumn Vale and . . . and Virgil. But after a while I began to feel numb, like that life, that
lifestyle
, had anesthetized me. I know now that it was partly the security and comfort that made Miguel so attractive to me. I had been through so much, and here was this wonderful, gorgeous, wealthy man who wanted me and
only
me. I loved him deeply, so the lifestyle was a bonus.” I paused, but then forged on. “But I don’t love Tony. He asked me to marry him, Gogi, and that woke me up. I think his proposal, offhand and kindly meant as it was, shook me out of my fog.”
    Gogi sighed and nodded, then reached across the desk and took my hand. “I’d like to stay angry at you, but I can’t. As a woman who has struggled in her life, I get it.” She had lost two husbands and been through a serious bout withbreast cancer. “You need to tell Virgil this. He thought . . .” She shrugged and shook her head. “That’s between you two. You sort it out.”
    It dawned on me in that moment that Virgil may have interpreted my extended absence and increasing withdrawal as a reluctance to get involved with him in the face of his complicated ex–marital status. “I appreciate your insight. I don’t regret being gone that long. I
can’t
regret it, because I finally got the perspective on my marriage that I needed. I’ve idealized Miguel, completely forgetting that he was a mortal man. But I do regret how I’ve hurt you all. Even if I needed to figure things out, I could have expressed that. I’m sorry.”
    I paused, emotion overtaking me, and stared out the small window that overlooked the lane to the back parking lot. Gogi was silent, but I could feel her watching me, her hand still holding mine. A hot wind tossed the trees in the distance. “Miguel and I fought once because he went back to Spain to care for his mother for six weeks when she had the flu and Tony was out of the country. But until now I had forgotten the
real
reason we fought: He wouldn’t take me with him. He said it would upset Maria. Upset his mother to have her
daughter-in-law
around! I was right to be angry about that; he should have put me first in that case. It would have given Maria and me a chance to make friends. He wasn’t perfect, but in eight years of mourning I had forgotten that.”
    She smiled and squeezed my hand. “Now tell
Virgil
all that. I’m rooting for you two.”
    I didn’t tell her
everything
I had learned, of course, how I had figured out that my romantic interlude with Virgil had scared me. Retreating to Spain right then had cemented my fear that if I moved on and left my love for Miguel behind I would risk losing someone all over again. Virgil is in a sometimes dangerous business. He carries a gun, for heaven’s sake. If I came to care for him as much as I thought I might, it would be a risk for so many reasons.
    I took a deep breath and