Claudio.
âWeâve exchanged insults,â Benedick reports.
âIf thatâs all youâve done, Iâm leaving,â says the girl for whom the term âhigh maintenanceâ was invented.
âNo â stay. I threw down a challenge and am waiting to hear his reaction.â Benedick smiles and tries to lighten the mood. âNow, tell me, Bea â for which of my
bad
parts did you fall in love with me?â
âAll of them!â she says. âFor which of my
good
parts did you fall in love with me?â
They joke a bit more, trying to take their minds off the problem in hand. âAt least life with you will never be boring,â he tells her. Then he asks how Hero is.
âSheâs not doing well, and neither am I,â Beatrice admits. You do get these glimpses of truth from her sometimes.
âLet my love make you better,â he whispers, moving in for a cuddle.
But the sweet talk is cut short by a message from Ursula.
âThe whole place is in chaos,â she tells them. âItâs been proved that Hero is innocent and that John tricked Pedro and Claudio into believing her crime. Come quickly!â
The sun has sunk over the horizon, itâs the dead of night, Iâm here all alone with my hand-held camera and Pedro and Claudio have come to Heroâs grave carrying candles. Claudio reads a poem praising Hero, then thereâs music and a song, all very sad and solemn.
âBlow out the candles,â Pedro orders. âItâs almost dawn. Time to go to the villa for your wedding to Leonatoâs niece.â
Daylight and everyoneâs here at the villa â Leonato, Antonio, Benedick, Beatrice, Margaret, Ursula, the priest and Hero.
Antonio says out loud what everyoneâs thinking: âIâm glad itâs all turned out OK.â
(In other words, itâs been much ado about nothing. So, viewers, stop taking things so seriously, sit back and relax.)
The girls go off into an inner room while Leonato finalises the plans. Benedick reckons this is the moment to seize his chance.
âYou realise that Beatrice and I are in love?â he asks Leonato. âSo how would it be if she and I got married today?â
âFine,â Leonato agrees â a spur of the moment decision, just like that.
Benedick puts in his request in the nick of time, because now Pedro and Claudio are knocking at the door.
Then itâs all hustle and bustle to get the girls back in the room, their faces hidden behind veils. Leonato quickly lines Claudio up in frontof the priest, alongside Hero-in-a-veil. âAre you ready to marry my niece?â he checks.
âIâm ready!â Claudio vows. He takes the girlâs hand, clears his throat and makes his announcement. âI swear in front of the priest, Iâll be your husband, if youâll have me.â
Hero doesnât keep him in suspense. She lifts her veil. âWhen I lived, I was your other wife,â she says. âAnd you were my other husband!â
Ta da! Claudio and Pedro go into one of their speechless spasms. Leonato is rushing everyone off to church when Benedick steps forward to steal the show.
âWhereâs Beatrice?â he demands.
She lifts her veil. âHere I am.â
BENEDICK: Do you love me?
BEATRICE: No more than reason.
BENEDICK: Then you fooled Claudio and Pedro. They swore you did.
BEATRICE: Do
you
love
me
?
BENEDICK: No more than reason.
BEATRICE: Then you fooled Hero. Sheswore you did.
BENEDICK (obviously enjoying every moment of this): They swore you were sick with love!
BEATRICE: She swore
you
were almost dead with love!
BENEDICK: Not true. So you donât love me?
BEATRICE: No. Only as a friend.
Itâs time for Leonato to break it up. âOh, Beatrice, Iâm sure you
do
love him.â
âAnd he loves her,â Claudio insists, fishing a piece of paper out of his pocket. âLook, he wrote a poem to
Learning to Kill: Stories