Mulch ado about nothing by Jill Churchill Read Free Book Online

put it in a bag and drag it out later. But that would take two hands. Could she balance herself well enough without at least one crutch to do that? Hamburgers on the grill? Nope, too many steps down to the patio.
    As she cruised the fridge, there was a banging on her kitchen door and Ursula Appledorn walked in. Jane wished she weren’t so careless about locking up and that non-family members or close friends would not assume an unlocked door meant you didn’t have to knock. But she put on a welcoming smile because that was how she’d been raised.
    “You need good food and I’ve brought it to you. Hold the screen door for me,“ Ursula said, going back to an even more disreputable station wagon than Jane’s.
    In a moment she was back with a large paper carton that she started unloading on Jane’s kitchen counter.
    “Hominy,“ she said of a covered dish she slapped down. “Lots of nutrients. Some dandelion greens from my own yard, barely cooked so the vitamins are still in them. Be sure to drink the juice. Tons of calcium and potassium. Good for broken bones.“
    “Uh... Ursula, I’m planning to have hamburgers for dinner.“
    “Meat?“ Ursula was stunned. “I didn’t think anyone actually ate meat these days. The government demands that so many cancer-causing chemicals are in it.“
    “I think you might have that backwards. The government tries to make the farmers take out the chemicals,“ Jane said, examining the dandelion greens, which seemed to have a good many foreign objects that looked like insects cooked up with the greens. She hoped they were just flowers that had wilted to that stage.
    “No, dear. The government is responsible for poisoning us. At the very least, you have to admit they allow it. Look at the strawberries that they let into this country. Death on a stem. And here’s some totally natural bread. I made it myself out of organically grown potato flour and free-range eggs. “ The bread made a thunk like a brick being dropped.
    “Ursula, I’m really not entirely helpless. I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but—“
    “Think nothing of it, Jane. We’re all in this together. I’m a nurse, you know. Well, I was a nurseuntil the government took away my license on a foolish pretense.“
    “What was the pretense?“ Jane couldn’t help but ask.
    “Drug dealing,“ Ursula said calmly, taking the lid off a bowl of soybean curd with a greenish blue gravy over it that looked suspiciously like algae. “Ridiculous, of course. I didn’t use any of the so-called controlled substances. Only natural herbs, spices, and minerals for my private patients. And they all thrived. Why, one got to be a hundred and one years old and left me all her money out of gratitude for making her last two years so stimulating. Now, sit down at the table and let me dish this all up for you.”
    By now Jane needed to sit down, but not to eat. Was this, she hoped, a onetime visit or did Ursula plan on forcing revolting food on her until her foot healed? Horrors!
    Ursula rummaged in a drawer and brought up a battered kitchen spoon to ladle her creations onto a plate sitting on the counter. “There now, just taste. You’ll feel ever so much better.”
    There was another knock on the door and Ursula ran to let Shelley in.
    “Oh, Ms. Appledorn. I didn’t know you were here. “ When Ursula turned away from her, Shelley winked at Jane.
    Jane gave Shelley a HELP ME! look.
    “I’m just giving Jane her dinner,“ Ursula said. “What is that stuff?“ Shelley asked, not disguising her distaste at the sight.
    Ursula, more in pity than anger, explained all the items. Shelley listened and nodded and tried to hide a smile. “I’m not sure it’s a good time for Jane to completely change her diet. She’s under considerable stress, you know.”
    Ursula nodded. “That’s why I brought the caraway-flavored hummus. Excellent for stress.“
    “Dear God,“ Jane whispered to herself.
    “Actually, I was just coming to fetch