My Beautiful Failure by Janet Ruth Young Read Free Book Online

sound, like the feet of a cat on a hardwood floor.
    “Jenney, are you crying?”
    Yes . . . I’m sorry . . . I’m such a mess. Just give me a sec to pull myself together.
    “Take your time. Don’t worry about crying. That’s what we’re here for.”
    Okay. A little better now.
    “Jenney, are you thinking about suicide?”
    Oh, God—no. You don’t have to ask me that. Suicide is for weaklings. I’m a fighter, you know.
    “That’s great. You sound like a really strong person.”
    I really am strong, I think. I would have to be strong to go through what I’m going through.
    “You should be proud of that, Jenney.”
    I am.
    “So, do you want to tell me what’s going on? What happened with school? You seem disappointed about the school situation.”
    Because of all the stuff that happened with my parents, I didn’t—
    “I’m sorry, what happened with your parents?”
    You don’t know?
    “No, I don’t.”
    You must know. Everybody at Listeners knows what happened with my parents.
    “Well, I don’t. I’m sorry to interrupt you, because you’re obviously upset, but I’d like to get more background if you want to tell me.
    Wait a minute . . . are you new?
    “Yes, I am. This is my first day, actually. My name is Billy, by the way.”
    I can’t believe it. You’re great at this!
    “I am?”
    Yeah, I would never have thought this was your first day. I feel so comfortable talking to you.
    “Really?”
    I feel like I could tell you anything.
    “Well, thanks.”
    Margaret cleared her throat. I realized I was breaking one of the rules.
    “It’s great of you to say so, but I’m not here to talk about myself. I’d much rather hear about you and school and everything.” Margaret nodded. She returned to her doodles and her Incoming.
    All right. Well. Jenney took a deep breath. I’ve been through some changes lately. A lot of changes, and not for the better. Hello? Are you there?
    “Yes. Go ahead.”
    Okay, I was all set to start college, at St. Angus’s. Do you know St. Angus’s?
    “Tell me about it.”
    It’s an elite women’s college in New Hampshire. It’s often called the Eighth Seven Sister.
    “Mm-hmm.”
    My mother went there, and my grandmother and her mother, and so on from way, way back. It’s really selective, and the women who graduate from there often become very successful. My mom made friends there that she’s stayed in touch with for, like, her whole life. It’s in Molton, one of those perfect little New England towns with the white church steeple in the center.
    “It sounds great. What happened?”
    Well, I got accepted. I mean, they were really excited about having me come to the school. The admissions office was.Because not only would I probably have gotten in as a legacy because of my mom and grandmom and everybody, but I got in on my own merits. I think that’s really important, don’t you?
    “You got in on your own merits.”
    You’re repeating me. Don’t you think that’s important?
    “It’s important to you. That’s what matters. So you got accepted.”
    Right. They offered me a partial scholarship because of my swimming.
    “You’re a swimmer.”
    Yes, I have a trophy and everything. Did you go to Hawthorne High?
    “You have a trophy.”
    I have a trophy in Hawthorne High, in the case in the front lobby. Because my grades were great too. I can say that to you because you seem pretty smart yourself, and you won’t think I’m conceited. So I actually got in to all three of my top schools that I applied to.
    “And you decided to go somewhere else?”
    I didn’t go at all.
    “Why not?”
    Because I started freaking out. The summer before school. I had a kind of . . . breakdown. Like a meltdown.
    “That sounds awful. I’m so sorry.”
    Well, it was awful. It was terrible. . . . It was a nightmare. The soft clicking sound started again, a shutter moving in the back of her throat.
    “Take your time.” I didn’t know what else to say.
    Okay.