My Dearest Friend (Books We Love Regency Romance) by Hazel Statham Read Free Book Online Page B

month… imagine! It was I who had signed his commission and sent him off to this terrible war.”
    The intensity of his feelings affected Jane greatly, she had not been aware that he was capable of such a passion of grief.
    He paused briefly to strike his fist against the mantle before continuing his restless movements. “If I had not listened to his pleadings, ignored his desire for glory, he would now be safe at Stovely or even on the town doing all the mindless things that other young bucks do. Not lying in a cold grave in Spain, slain by his own hand. How terrible were his wounds to have driven him to take such an action? What agonies must he have endured that death was his only release? Whilst I… I was totally ignorant of his plight, knew nothing of his torments.”
    She rose to stand before him, halting his pacing. Taking hold of his hand she led him to the settle to sit beside her. “There is no blame attached to you whatsoever, sir,” she said softly, attempting to alleviate his pain. “You could have done naught to alter the outcome…”
    “But he was left in my care, Jane,” he interrupted passionately, turning his face away from her. “I was his guardian. When our father died he placed him in my care. A fine protector I proved to be. Stefan looked up to me, idolized me and where was I when he needed me most of all? Probably in some gaming hell or drinking club or involved in some other dissipation that has become my life style.”
    He turned to face her, the tears standing in his eyes and for a moment, she knew the impulse to put her arms around him to comfort him, as she would have done Harry. However, she realized that it would be inappropriate. He was a very proud man and to her mind would not welcome such a demonstration on her part and she dare not risk his rejection of her actions.
    Instead, she once more took hold of his hand in both of hers. “I am sure you took every care of Stefan,” she said to try to soothe him, “but you must remember he was old
    enough to order his own destiny, you are in no way responsible for his death. He was of age and was his own man. When someone close to you dies, it is very difficult to accept their going, no matter their manner of death. Stefan died in such tragic circumstances. It is very difficult to come to terms with the horrors of war, I know, but if that is the path our loved ones have chosen to follow, what can we do but support them? We cannot live their lives for them. There is no need for self-reproach; you were a good and loving brother. No more could be asked of you.”
    A silence fell between them, invaded only by the sound of the rain beating relentlessly against the darkened casement.
    Of a sudden the duke rose and crossing to the table stood with his back to her and poured himself a glass of brandy. “I have burdened you long enough,” he said once more retreating into aloofness. “Forgive me.”
    “ You have not burdened me at all, sir,” she replied watching as he tossed back the contents of his glass.
    “ Even so, it is time you took to your bed. We set out at dawn and it would not do to begin the journey not having had sufficient rest. I will keep you from your repose no longer.”
    Seeing this as a dismissal and not wishing to impose further on his grief, Jane rose from the settle saying, “Then, sir, I will wish you goodnight for I am indeed tired.” As she gained the door, she turned, “Will you not take your own advice and retire? You too must be exhausted.”
    “Presently,” was his only response as he poured yet another glass. Still not meeting her gaze, he returned to his seat by the table, pulling the brandy bottle toward him.
    The hour was well advanced when he finally ret ired to his chamber on the second floor landing, the inn appearing deserted, all other travelers having sought their repose some hours since.
     
    ***
     
    Morning brought no respite from the storm. The clouds hung even lower in the sky, and surveying the