True: An Elixir Novel by Hilary Duff Read Free Book Online

happen to Nico.”
    “You did if it would save Sage. He’s the important one, right? You and Sage and your ‘eternal’ love. Nico and I, we didn’t have anything like that. He was just a guy and I’ll get over him, so it doesn’t matter what happens to him. That’s what you think!”
    “No!”
    “It’s exactly what you think!”
    “That’s not true.”
    “Then why did you let him go with you and Ben?”
    Clea’s mouth is open to answer, but nothing comes out. Of course not. There’s nothing she can say.
    “You can’t answer that, can you?”
    She does, but she looks at the ground when she says it, not at me. “He wanted to come.”
    “So? You could have stopped him. You could have left without him. You could have left him here with me .”
    Clea buries her face in her hands. When she looks up, her eyes are puffy, all ready to cry fake tears. “It’s okay if you’re mad at me,” she says. “I understand.”
    “I don’t give a shit if you understand! I don’t need your permission! My God . . .” I tangle my fingers in my hair and pull. I’m so angry I can’t handle it. I don’t know how to handle it, so I want to rip and tear and destroy, but all I can do is lean into Clea’s face and scream as loud as I can.
    “Rayna!”
    The voice is panicked. It’s my mom, lumbering toward us in her robe, her tight curls sleep-matted to one side of her head.
    “I heard screaming. . . .” Mom looks around, her eyes darting back and forth between Clea and me. “What’s going on?”
    I can’t answer.
    Nico’s gone.
    He’s gone.
    I don’t feel myself start to cry. One minute I’m standing there and the next I’m on my knees, bent double, sobbing and choking.
    Mom’s arms wrap around me and I hear the worry in her voice. “Rayna? Baby, what happened? Clea?”
    I don’t want to hear how Clea explains everything to my mom. I pull out of the bear hug and stagger to my feet. I lock eyes with Clea for what I hope is the last time ever.
    “This is all your fault,” I say. “ You did it, and I will never, never forgive you.”
    Clea and Mom both say things as I walk away, but the tears are coming harder than ever now. I can’t hear them, and I don’t want to see them. I wave them off and run back home, run back to my room and fling myself onto my bed. I pull all my pillows close and curl into a ball around them, squeezing them tight while I cry and cry and cry.
    I’ll probably cry forever.

four
    CLEA
    “She’s right,” I tell Ben. “It’s my fault Nico’s dead. I sacrificed him to save Sage.”
    Ben and I are in the family room. We face each other on the couch, our feet pulled up and our backs against the armrests. He’d found me outside, sitting in the grass after I’d tried to explain to Wanda. I hadn’t made a lot of sense, but once she’d understood that Nico was gone, she hadn’t listened for more. She’d left without another word. She probably believed what Rayna said, that it was my fault.
    Within the last seventy-two hours I’ve been shot at, threatened at knifepoint, and pummeled head to toe by flying rocks and branches, but nothing scared me like Rayna’s face when she said I killed Nico. Nothing hurt as badly, either. I think I’d still be sitting out there, wounded in the grass, if it weren’t for Ben. He gathered me under his arm and led me inside to my favorite of the overstuffed gray couches, then draped an afghan over me while he went into the kitchen and made tea. Azteca Fire, mixed with sugar and almond milk, my favorite comfort drink. I clutched the mug in both hands, and only after I’d taken several sips did he ask what happened.
    “It’s not your fault Nico’s dead,” Ben says now. “It’s mine.”
    “No, it’s not. You can’t blame yourself.”
    “Pretty sure I can, seeing as I actively tackled him into a knife.”
    “You actively tackled him away from killing another man. What happened after that . . . just happened. He fell. It’s my