My Forever by Jolene Perry Read Free Book Online

LDS Church website, navigating around as fast as I can in my remaining five minutes.
     
    “You know, ” Tracy says behind me. “If you’re curious, you can just talk to the missionaries.” She sits down at a computer next to mine in the library. Great. I’m caught.
     
    “I don’t know…” T hat seems like a kind of commitment of its own. One I’m pretty sure I’m not willing to make. The pr oblem is that w hen I think about the baby, I feel the pull. Maybe if the commitment is for the baby and not for me, it’ll be easier to make. My head is still telling me that the Mormons are weird, no matter how nice they might be at school. So my head and heart aren’t completely reconciled
,
but I’m working on it.
     
    I’m quiet for a long time, long enough that she continues.
     
    “Well, just think about it
.
I’m sure we could meet with them after school. It’s what they do. I t’s no big deal.” She touches my shoulder briefly before standing up and walking away. It may not b e a big deal to her, but it definitely feels like a big deal to me.
     
    ~ ~ ~
     
    I go home and Mom’s worried about me, I can tell. She keeps shifting these odd glances in my direction. I’ll have to do better. The last few days of Mormon research have kept my brain completely pre-occupied. Mostly, I just want space to clear my head.
     
    My brain works hard as I lie in bed and stare at my ceiling. I pray a bit, in random segments, which I’m not great at, and I begin to develop a plan. I’m still doing my best to follow Michael’s advice. I’m trying to ignore the noise in my head and trying to listen harder to what feels good. It makes it easier for me to trust myself than I would have thought possible. Especially when I know I’m about to do something that I never imagined myself doing.
     
     
     
    I leave a note in the morning.
     
    Mom –
     
    I’ll be home late from school today; I’m helping with the play. If it’s not too hard for you to do without me in the afternoons, I might stay after to help with the production once in a while.
     
    Dani
     
     
     
    Today is taken care of, and many more, though I know I’ll have to stick around for part of play rehearsal for alibis. I’m taking Tracy up on her offer to talk to the missionaries. Maybe now I’ll be able to learn a little more. I might at least be able to figure out why I feel good about putting my baby up for adoption with a group of people I’ve been taught to disdain. I don’t like that my head and my heart are saying two different things.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    6
     
    I step with Michael and Tracy into the doors of their church after school. It’s only a block away. I’ve been into lots of churches in my life, lots of different denominations, but never a Mormon church. I expect to feel a kind of ominous foreboding but don’t. It’s just a church. Just a building. Boring white brick and grandma flora l chairs wait in the entry. I kind of laugh at myself for being worried.
     
    Two guys sit waiting with suits and namet ags, easy to know who they are. They’re both medium height, medium build, clean cut and in matching clothes. I’d laugh if I didn’t find the whole situation filled with
massive
amounts of insanity. I remember hiding behind the couch giggling with my sisters when they’d come knocking on our door.
     
    We all find a comfortable spot right there in the foyer. It feels good, like the door is right here. I can easily make my escape if I need to. Michael gives an opening prayer. I know I should listen to the words , but instead I feel his voice. There’s a warmth and depth to what he says that feels familiar, good. I feel t he loss when he’s finished .
     
    They tell me a story about a fourteen-year-old boy who went into the woods and prayed and then saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
     
    Yeah, saw. What am I doing here?
     
    We all sit in silence for a while.
     
    “You do know that