My Perfect Imperfections by Jalpa Williby Read Free Book Online

will tell me where she is. She’s probably wondering why I haven’t tried to see her yet.
    “Lily, Layna is…well, she didn’t make it.” Dad’s voice suddenly begins to tremble.
    Before I can process what he’s saying, Mom continues, “She’s in heaven, honey, and she’s happy. But, she’ll always be with us. I promise you. She’ll always look after us, especially you.”
    What? What are they saying? How do they know that she’s happy? Her family makes her happy. She should be with us.
    Suddenly, it finally sinks in. Layna is dead. That’s what they’re saying. They’re telling me she’s dead.
    In that instant, my world turns upside down. My heart breaks into more pieces than it’s made of. The pain is so unbearable it almost feels numb. As everything crumbles around me, I fall into a deep, dark hole.

Chapter Seven
     
    After all the years of fighting my own inner demons, nothing has ever made me feel like this. The pain cuts deep within my core, and the guilt slowly eats me alive.
    It was supposed to be me. I was the one who was supposed to die in that accident. Layna should be alive. I know now that she purposefully swerved the van so that she would take most of the impact. Even until her last breath, Layna protected me.
    Why? Why did she do that? Didn’t she know that I’d be left torturing myself every single day, reliving that horrible drive home?
    I fall and keep falling. Nothing can pull me back out.
    I refuse to attend the wake and the funeral. No matter how much my parents try to persuade me, I don’t budge. If I go, it will be too final. Although I know Layna is gone, I don’t seem to have the courage to acknowledge it. Going to the funeral would force me to accept it.
    “Lily, I know it’s hard, but I think it’s important to come to your sister’s funeral,” Dad says. “I really wish you would change your mind.”
    Instead of answering, I drive my wheelchair to my room and close the door.
    My personal helper, Lauren, comes over before my parents leave. She enters my room and sits down on my bed. “Do you want to talk, Lily?”
    I shake my head no.
    “Okay, I’ll leave you alone. I just want to say that I know you’re really upset right now, but trust me, everything happens for a reason. You’ll see. You just have to trust God.”
    I’ll see? There is no reason for this. No reason! Layna was full of life. She was going to be somebody big. She was going to do great things in this world. She was one in a million. Why would your so-called “God” do something so cruel to somebody so special? Why would he end her life when she had just begun to live? There is no reason. And no, I will never see.
    Because I want to be left alone, I scream at her. I don’t stop screaming until she says, “Fine, I’m leaving. I’ll be outside your room if you need anything.”
    Later, I find out that everybody from school came to Layna’s funeral. Why wouldn’t they? She was loved by so many. Everybody said goodbye to her. Everybody, except for me.
    That day, as Layna is buried underground, I bury myself into my personal hell hole.
     

     
    Maybe pain is its own entity. Maybe that’s why it has the power to consume one’s soul.
    I refuse to attend the graduation. I can’t even imagine being there without Layna. Most days, I stay in my room with Duke. Even when my high school diploma is mailed to me, I don’t have any interest in opening it.
    The next two years are the worst two years of my life. Although Dad has permanently moved in, I have completely shut down. My mom is not doing much better. Dad has both of us in therapy, and we’re both on anti-depressants. They don’t help. Some days it hurts so bad that I just want to end it all. Maybe I’ll find Layna in the afterlife.
    So, I die slowly every day. I can’t let the past go. I can’t say goodbye to Layna. I can’t cry. I can’t smile. I can’t eat. I just exist.
    Duke is the only one who motivates me to wake up every morning.