Needle Too by Craig Goodman Read Free Book Online Page B

up at the same time!”
    “ GOOD ...
why?”
    “
Why?”
Jack repeated back to me in a mocking sort of way.
    “Because an unmanicured snatch is a horrifying thing.”
    “Well I think you’re probably biased.”
    “I’m fucking scarred!”
    “Oh, that’s right!” Randy blurted out as if he was suddenly struck by a lightning bolt of recollection. “You know, Craig— you’d
love
Paula’s hairy pussy.”
    Paula Eruzione was a waitress at the restaurant in her mid-twenties, and ever since my very first shift I can remember Randy and Jack constantly making cryptic, inside jokes about her and her genitalia, and though I refused to give them any satisfaction by inquiring about their commentary, I decided the time had finally come to begin asking the obvious:
    “How do you two faggoty fucks know anything about Paula’s pussy?”
    “Well,” said Randy, “technically I don’t because she thinks I’m straight—but Jack does.”
    “This just keeps getting weirder and weirder.”
    “Paula’s completely in love with Randy—
can you fucking believe it?!”
Jack squealed at me with delight. “She’s been at the restaurant for months and she still thinks Randy’s straight.”
    “Next to you—
everyone’s
straight,” I said. “Now I’m absolutely certain I’m gonna regret asking this, Jack—but how in the world do you know Paula’s hairy?”
    “We went to the mall to model thongs together and I got all pissed off because I thought she was pretty much just standing around naked while I was sweatin’ to Deee Lite and workin’ the runway, and right when I started putting on my fuck-face I—“
    “This is already ickier than it needs to be,” I interrupted him. “Point taken—you saw Paula’s pussy and it’s hairy. Let’s just leave it at that and move the fuck on for God’s sake.”
    “Oh, fucking
believe
me, I’d love to move the fuck on
—
except for the fact that I never actually
saw
Paula’s pussy.”
    “Then why are you doing this to me?”
    “I never saw it because it was actually covered by a thong—a bright
yellow
thong that I didn’t notice because it was swallowed-up by the black moss and thick vines that came creeping out around the sides of that dirty fucking pussy!”
    “
EEEEEW! EEEEEW! EEEEEW!” Randy
now found a reason to squeal.
    “I’m sure you’re exaggerating a little, Jack,” I said.
    “Fuck if I am! It was like
Little Shop of Horrors
.”
    “Stop getting me excited.”
    “CRAIG! She could braid that shit and floss her ass with it!”
    “Ummmm— YUMMY ,” I said as I actually licked my lips.
    “ EEEEWWWWW!!!” Jack screamed as he jumped up from the table and put his hands over his mouth before bolting to the bathroom…and it was comforting to know the vile little man had a breaking point.
    Of course, like a shallow, predictable man, myself—with a sex drive that was just beginning to get in gear—after discussing Paula’s condition I immediately found myself giving her a little extra attention at work without even really being aware of why Iwas doing it. Certainly though, somewhere in the back of my mind I was subconsciously drawn in by not only her unseen physical attribute, but also by the prospect of eventually being able to provide Jack with a few images that would likely put him in the hospital…
and then I’d finally win
. And though I didn’t share this with anyone—I actually thought Paula was kind of hot, well beyond the pristine, undisturbed bit of wilderness that apparently lay secreted away in her panties. In fact, during more private moments I actually pictured her as a fair maiden tucked away in some rustic Sicilian village crushing grapes with her feet when she wasn’t working at the restaurant. She was clearly of Italian descent, wore no makeup, had a dark complexion along with a head full of jet-black hair and was home-schooled her entire life—though I would soon learn she’d recently been attending a local college hoping to