Never Alone by Elizabeth Haynes Read Free Book Online

you’re OK. Call home if you get a chance. Love Mum xxx
    She knows he won’t respond. This does not seem to matter as much as usual.
    At four, a little past their regular time but she is only just feeling up to it, Sarah feeds the dogs and takes them out to the back field. It’s not much of a run but with the aid of a ball she can ensure they get a fair amount of exercise. As usual, Basil chases the ball with manic enthusiasm, as though this is what he was put on the earth to do. Tess steals the ball from Basil when he drops it, then she runs away and abandons it, leaving Basil to complete the cycle and bring it back to Sarah to throw again. It’s almost as if Tess enjoys teasing him.
    At the top of the field Sarah walks the length of the dry stone wall separating her land from the moor beyond, checking for loose stones when the mood takes her, until it becomes almost too dark to see. The field is too big for her, really. When the weather warms up, George’s gardener will come over twice a month with his tractor to cut the grass back and collect it. He charges her £10 for the privilege, and sells the grass on. She should think about letting it out for grazing, but it’s nice to be able to walk the dogs up here without worrying about them chasing livestock, or rolling in muck every few paces.
    The valley begins to light up as a hundred kettles are boiled for a hundred post-work cups of tea. The cottage is lit. The car is back; perhaps he’s going to stay, after all.
    She has not been hungry all day but Sarah forces down a piece of toast, listening to the news. She thinks about going back to the studio, although it’s raining now; she can hear it against the window. Thinks about ringing Kitty again. What she really wants to do is call Sophie, tell her about Aiden, get it all out there like a proper confession. Is that what it is? Does she need to be cleansed? But Sophie and George have gone to some constituency dinner tonight, planned for months. She won’t be home until the early hours.
    In the end she runs a bath, hoping that it will make her sleepy, because now she’s started thinking about it – Aiden – she can’t stop. She undresses slowly, automatically, folding her clothes and putting them on to the chair. As she leans forward and slips off her bra, the soft cotton brushes lightly across her breast, and instantly the exposure reminds her of last night and a rush of liquid heat floods her.
    The shock of her arousal is followed within seconds by a dangerous prickling behind her eyelids. She invited him in. She was drunk. She shagged him. He didn’t stay. He hasn’t come over to see her, hasn’t texted, even though he’s just a few yards away he might as well be back in Japan, or wherever it was he’s been all this time.
    She sits up in the bath, sniffing, trying to contain it. Here it comes, the wave of misery; tears pouring from nowhere. She rests her face in hot, wet hands, sobs.
    You bastard, she thinks. I’d forgotten what a shit you are.

Aiden
    There are many things you have resolved in the past week. Your life has changed irrevocably, and at times it’s hard to keep up with what’s going on. Who you are supposed to be. How you are supposed to behave.
    You have resolved that you are not going to tell her. You will not tell her anything. Already this is becoming difficult. You wondered how much Jim had said, and you are certain now that she knows nothing at all about why you left, where you’ve been, what you’ve been doing. This gives you all the more reason to keep quiet about it. To say anything now would do no good at all, certainly not for her. It might make you feel better. Briefly.
    You have realised that you have no control over your feelings.
    You have decided that, perhaps, if things progress you might have to start again: a new life, a new career, something legitimate. It’s time to put the past behind you and earn your money doing something that you can actually discuss in polite