Never to Hope by Aimie Grey Read Free Book Online

sunburn-aphobia. I’d rather be pasty white all year long than get even a little bit burned.” I’d learned the hard way that the sting of a sunburn made my job a living hell. Not only was it uncomfortable, it was also extremely distracting in the instances when I needed to focus.
    “Do you have any other phobias?” he asked with a cute smile.
    “That’s not how this works. It’s your turn, buddy.”
    “I’m terrified of mice.”
    “A big, strong guy like you is afraid of an itty-bitty little mouse?” I asked, using the cutest baby voice I could muster.
    “Those beady little eyes make me feel like they’re planning to rip me apart with those razors they call teeth.” His entire body visibly shuddered. “Your turn.”
    “I’m actually not afraid of much.” There was very little that could be worse than what I’d already survived.
    “You’re afraid of relationships.” He spoke quietly, as if testing the waters. It didn’t make much sense, as he’d never been shy about broaching the subject before.
    “I just know better than to get into one.” Yes, I was afraid, but with good reason. For me, a disastrous ending was a sure thing, not just a possibility.
    “I still don’t understand why.” He scrubbed his hands over his face in obvious frustration.
    “It’s different for me than it is for most people. Getting involved with someone would only lead to certain heartbreak. My entire future would also be at stake, so I’d have to trust that person as much as I trust myself.”
    “So, what you’re saying is you haven’t found anyone worth taking a chance on.” It wasn’t hard to translate his statement into what he really wanted to say: So, what you’re saying is I’m not worth it to you.
    My heart broke for him, but there was nothing I could do about it. If anyone was worth it, Carter was, but it wasn’t up to me. It wasn’t as simple as making a decision to try and then working hard to turn it into something that could last. If that were the case, I’d jump at the chance and give it my all. But, in my situation, that wasn’t a possibility. It wasn’t as if I’d had a one-time lapse in judgment or was even the sluttiest slut to ever don a pair of stilettos. Those things had the potential to be forgiven; my reality did not. “It’s not that simple. I wish it was, but it’s not.”
    He lowered his eyes to the ground as he shook his head in disbelief. “I think I’ll be able to finish my apartment on my own.” He stood, taking the bag from me.
    Even though I’d been trying so hard not to, I still hurt him. Tears burned my eyes as I tried to think of something—anything—to say to make it better, but there were no words that could undo the mess I’d created.
    “See you around,” he spat and then walked away without a second glance.

Chapter Five
    Two episodes deep into a Doctor Who trance, I nearly fell off the couch when the doorbell rang on Friday. The display on the cable box said it was a quarter past noon. After having walked away from me the day before, there was no way it would be Carter. Every so often, the maintenance guy would come to spray for bugs in the middle of the day, but I didn’t remember seeing a notice about it. Still wearing the shorts and wife beater I’d slept in, I figured I was covered up enough to open the door.
    “Ready?” Carter asked as he stepped past me into my apartment.
    I froze. Looking into his eyes, I could see him almost pleading with me. He wanted things to go back to normal just as badly as I did.
    “Do I look ready?” I said, gesturing to my ensemble. “Besides, how do you know I don’t have other plans?”
    “Do you have other plans?” he asked with a raised brow.
    “No, but that’s beside the point.” I grinned at him. “What do you want for lunch today?” Since it wasn’t raining, it was pretty much a given we would go to the park.
    “Chinese?”
    “Sounds good. Why don’t you call ahead while I jump in the