New Beginnings by Helen Cooper Read Free Book Online Page A

know everything about your life. I want to understand every part of you.”
    “I don’t want you to leave me.”
    “I’ll never leave you, Max.”
    “I couldn’t survive without you, Sophie. I wouldn’t have anything to live for without you in my life.”
    “I will always be here, Max. I promise.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “I love you more than the stars in the sky and the grass on the ground. I just want to understand you better.”
    “Okay.” He stared into her eyes. “We can go tomorrow night if Ella will babysit for us.”
    “Okay.” She smiled at him weakly.
    “And about Jacob, we can give him up for adoption if you want.” His words trailed off and she placed a finger to his lips.
    “I would never make you do that, Max.” Her voice was low. “It’s not the baby’s fault.
    “Thank you.” He held her close to him and a solitary tear fell from his face and onto the top of her head as he held her close. “Thank you, my love.”
     
    ***
     
    Max left the office on his lunch break agitated and upset. He walked quickly to the office on the corner by the park. He greeted the receptionist and walked up the stairs briskly.
    “Thanks for fitting me in, Dr. Spencer.” He walked into the office and he greeted his psychiatrist with a grim look. “I know I haven’t seen you in a few weeks but a lot has happened recently. I had to see you. I hope that I didn’t put you out?” He looked at the man with a concerned look.
    “Why don’t you have a seat, Max?” Dr. Spencer looked at Max pacing around and gestured to the couch. “What’s happened?”
    “My ex, the crazy one I told you about. She had a baby.” Max was shouting. “And she dropped the bomb on me at the same time the baby was delivered to my home and my fiancée.”
    “The love of your life fiancée?” Dr. Spencer asked calmly.
    “Yes.” Max’s face softened for a second. “She wants me to take her to the club.”
    “Did you tell her that that wouldn’t be possible?”
    “I tried.” Max sighed. “She feels the need to see it.”
    “Did you tell her that you don’t want to relive the memories from that time in your life.”
    “No.” Max’s voice was anguished. “I don’t want her to know how bad it was. How bad I was.”
    “Why is that?”
    “I don’t want her to leave me.”
    “Do you think she would leave you if she knew?”
    “Yes.” Max’s voice was anguished. “It’s too dark, she is too sweet and innocent. I don’t think she would understand.”
    “But that is your past, Max.” Dr. Spencer tapped his fingers against the pad and stared at his patient thoughtfully. Max had been his patient for the past three years. He had been surprised that Max had chosen him, being that he was younger and fresh out of grad school but he started to realize that Max had seen him as someone who might understand him a bit better. He knew that he had helped Max but he felt guilty that he was now compromising his trust. “If she loves you, she will understand that this is a part of your past. We all have a past.”
    “Will she understand that I once beat someone so hard that he nearly became unconscious and that I was so coked up that I didn’t even care.”
    “You’re clean now, Max.”
    “Sometimes I still get urges, Dr. Spencer.” Max’s voice was pained and he looked into his face.
    “To do coke?”
    “To lose myself.” Max stared out of the window. “To be someone else.”
    “That’s a normal feeling, Max. We all want to have a different life sometimes.”
    “I don’t feel that way when I’m with her.”
    “Your ex?”
    “No. With S., the love of my life.” Max sighed. He thought of Sophie and he smiled. She had brought him breakfast in bed that morning and he’d left as she was washing Jacob carefully. He wasn’t a good enough person to have the heart of someone so wonderful.
    “Does S think you are a saint?”
    “No.” Max laughed.
    “And S didn’t leave you after she found out about