No Ordinary Bloke by Mary Whitney Read Free Book Online

Why don’t you care about wealth or stature or any of that? It doesn’t make sense given what you do and the circles you travel in.”
    “I don’t care because every man wipes his arse the same way.”
    “Okay, that is crude, but I get your point.” She laughed.
    “The funny thing is that my cousin, Adam, is a viscount.”
    “A viscount? That’s royalty, right?”
    “Aristocracy. Complete rubbish.”
    “What does he think of being a viscount?”
    “Actually, I think he’s rather embarrassed by it. Always has been.”
    “And you’ve never been jealous of him at all?” She stared me down, clearly waiting to judge my reaction.
    “Only when I was young. We didn’t have much money, and Adam seemed to get whatever he wanted. I was a bit jealous, but not really.” After all this talk about me, I turned the tables on her. “What about you? Are you impressed by a pedigree like Trey’s?”
    “Not so much.”
    “Hmph,” I said, not believing it.
    “No, really. I don’t care about money or stature. In my job, I’m blessed to work with everyone in the company from janitors to investment bankers. I’ve seen that money can make things easier for people, but it doesn’t make them happier. With Trey, I’m impressed by how incredibly stable his family is. His parents just celebrated their sixtieth wedding anniversary. His brothers and sisters also have these very established, even-keeled lives. That’s what stands out to me.”
    “Your family sounds pretty even-keeled.”
    “Yeah.” She looked down and stared at her hands. “Mostly.”
    I didn’t think anything of it at the time because really, who didn’t have a nutter or two in their family? Even Adam, Viscount Kincaid, had that pervy Uncle Willard that the family didn’t talk about, though they kept him away from Adam and Sylvia as much as possible.
    As we walked around the exhibits, we encountered what I thought were wild boars. Allison pointed to the information sign. “They’re not boars. They’re Bornean Bearded Pigs.”
    I studied the strange creatures that looked like boars except for the heavy beard around their face. It was disheveled and dirty like that of an old pub drunk. “Jesus those are some ugly animals.”
    Allison leaned closer over the fence, staring at the animals as they rooted around the ground. “They’re kind of cute in a way.”
    “They have a face only a mother bearded pig could love.”
    Just then Allison clasped her hand over her mouth. “Oh my God. Those two are mating.”
    I looked over to where she was pointing. Two pigs were shamelessly going after it. I covered my eyes and turned away. “I didn’t need to see that.”
    “Yeah, it’s not the best image to have in your mind.” I led her down the pathway, and she continued, “I remember the first time I saw animals mating on the farm. I was six, and it was a couple of dogs. I ran in and told my mom that two dogs were trying to play piggyback.”
    “And what did she say?” I laughed.
    “To her credit, she gave me the basic facts I needed at the time.”
    “How so?”
    “I was too young really to be told everything about human sexuality, but she simply said that when I see animals doing something like that they’re mating and all animals do it.” She smiled. “I figured out the rest over the next few years.”
    “That actually doesn’t sound like a bad way for a kid to learn.”
    “What about you? How did you learn?”
    “Here and there. From kids on the streets. My parents filled in the blanks.”
    “From both of them? That’s kind of cool. It always seems like it’s the same gender parent teaching the child.”
    “Both for me.” I shrugged. No need to tell her that later me mum had no other choice.
    After a few hours at the zoo, we were both completely knackered. No matter how many times I thought of kissing her and more that night, I was resolute with myself. From the moment I suggested we head back, I made it very clear to her that we would be