Nonviolent Communication - A Language of Life, Second Edition @Team LiB by by Marshall B. Rosenberg Read Free Book Online

chance to talk?
    Phil: No, you make it sound so simple.
    MBR: (trying to obtain further clarification) Are you reacting to my not having said anything about how the process can be difficult for some people to apply?
    Phil: No, not some people—you!
    MBR: So you’re reacting to my not having said that the process can be difficult for me at times?
    Phil: That’s right.
    MBR: Are you feeling annoyed because you would have liked some sign from me that indicated that I have some problems with the process myself?
    Phil: (after a moment’s pause) That’s right.
    MBR: (More relaxed now that I am in touch with the person’s feeling and need, I direct my attention to what he might be requesting of me) Would you like me to admit right now that this process can be a struggle for me to apply?
    Phil: Yes.
    MBR: (Having gotten clear on his observation, feeling, need, and request, I check inside myself to see if I am willing to do as he requests) Yes, this process is often difficult for me. As we continue with the workshop, you’ll probably hear me describe several incidents where I’ve struggled . . . or completely lost touch . . . with this process, this consciousness, that I am presenting here to you. But what keeps me in the struggle are the close connections to other people that happen when I do stay with the process.

    Exercise 1: Observation of Evaluation?
    To determine your proficiency at discerning between observations and evaluations, complete the following exercise. Circle the number in front of any statement that is an observation only, with no evaluation mixed in.
“John was angry with me yesterday for no reason.”
“Yesterday evening Nancy bit her fingernails while watching television.”
“Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.”
“My father is a good man.”
“Janice works too much.”
“Henry is aggressive.”
“Pam was first in line every day this week.”
“My son often doesn’t brush his teeth.”
“Luke told me I didn’t look good in yellow.”
“My aunt complains when I talk with her.”
    Here are my responses for Exercise 1:
If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I consider “for no reason” to be an evaluation. Furthermore, I consider it an evaluation to infer that John was angry. He might have been feeling hurt, scared, sad, or something else. Examples of observations without evaluation might be: “John told me he was angry,” or “John pounded his fist on the table.”
If you circled this number, we’re in agreement that an observation was expressed without being mixed together with an evaluation.
If you circled this number, we’re in agreement that an observation was expressed without being mixed together with an evaluation.
If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I consider “good man” to be an evaluation. An observation without evaluation might be: “For the last 25 years my father has given one tenth of his salary to charity.”
If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I consider “too much” to be an evaluation. An observation without evaluation might be, “Janice spent over 60 hours at the office this week.”
If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I consider “aggressive” to be an evaluation. An observation without evaluation might be: “Henry hit his sister when she switched the television channel.”
If you circled this number, we’re in agreement that an observation was expressed without being mixed together with an evaluation.
If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I consider “often” to be an evaluation. An observation without evaluation might be: “Twice this week my son didn’t brush his teeth before going to bed.”
If you circled this number, we’re in agreement that an observation was expressed without being mixed together with an evaluation.
If you circled this number, we’re not in agreement. I consider “complains” to be an evaluation. An observation without