Not Meeting Mr Right by Anita Heiss Read Free Book Online Page B

ages, which
was why my daily visits had of late trickled down to a
couple a week, but I dropped in on my way to work on
the Monday following the disastrous school reunion at
the Hub.
    'I don't know how much longer I've got, Alice. I'd like
to be a grandmother one day, and you are my eldest.'
    'Only by a couple of years, Mum.' My brothers were
both younger than me, but not by much: Arnie was
twenty-six and Dillon was twenty-four.
    'Don't you worry about being alone?' She followed me
around the kitchen as I unpacked some fruit I'd picked
up from the fresh food market on Saturday morning.
    I just couldn't bring myself to tell her about my new
strategy; she'd want in on all the dates and processes. I
simply couldn't have that.
    'I'm not alone – I have you guys, and great friends.'
    'You spend too much time with Liza and Peta.
People are going to think you're a lesbian if you don't
start spending time with men. Go on dates. What about
one with Cliff?'
    'Liza and Peta are the best dates I've ever had,
Mum.'
    'I knew it, you are a lesbian, aren't you?' She clasped
her head dramatically.
    'I'm not a lesbian, Mum. I actually like my single life
and having no-one to worry about, being able to sleep
and read when I want to.'
    'Are you sure you're not a lesbian? It seems like
everyone's a lesbian these days.' I think Mum just liked
saying the word lesbian .
    'Oh for god's sake, I'm not a lesbian, Mum, I'm just
saying that it's much easier to hang out with the girls.
They're far less work than men – I don't have to try to
figure them out or organise them.' My mantra for the
day seemed to be I'm not a lesbian, I'm not a lesbian. As
much as my mother enjoyed saying the word, I didn't!
    'Well, you'll have to settle down one day, and with
a MAN. Look at your brother Dillon – it looks like he
and Larissa'll be together forever. As for Arnie, well he's
just sowing his wild oats. That's what boys do.'
    I'd lost count of the number of times I'd heard Arnie
on the phone to women saying 'Trust me, babe!' He was
always breaking innocent hearts, but my mother would
never have anything bad said about her sons. It was
pointless arguing with her.
    'Yeah, that's what boys do. I wouldn't trust most
of them as far as I could throw them. I've got to go to
school now, Mum.' I headed for the door, but she called
after me.
    'Alice, you know, your father worries about you too.
About who will look after you when he's gone, hang
your pictures, nail things, fix things. He'd like to see
you married too.'
    'I can look after myself,' I shouted back to her, already
on my way out.
    'Then why don't you? Why do you get him to help
you all the time? He's getting old too, Alice.' What? This
was the first time I'd heard anything about Dad's age and
me having to fend for myself on the home improvement
front. He must have said something after the feng shui
effort. There were no secrets between Mum and Dad.
They were as tight as nun's knickers.
    Mum was hanging out her bedroom window as I got
into the car. 'I can call Cliff if you like.' I pushed my foot
hard on the accelerator and drove off, wishing Dillon
and Larissa would just get married and take some of
the heat off me. Actually, as Dillon was the only source
of straight male input into my personal life, I should
probably run my new strategy by him at some stage.
    For a young fella, Dillon was pretty wise when it
came to matters of the heart. It was not unheard of for
me to SMS him the middle of the night to ask for 'boy
advice': What does it mean if he said this? How many
days should I wait till I call him? Should I call him at
all? Why hasn't he called me? Is he going to call me? If
not, why not? What's wrong with me? What's wrong
with him? And so it went. Dillon always answered my
messages, but he didn't hold back if he thought I was
being desperate or if I was way off base. If he needed
to be blunt with me he would. He wouldn't sugar
coat his frustration at my raving or my commitment
to finding reasons for