Not Until You: Part IV by Roni Loren Read Free Book Online Page A

career was focused on healing, and here I was letting some guy hurt me. And not just letting him, but enjoying it.
    Yes, I needed to stay away.
    Even if I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
    Even if part of me was desperate to know why he made me feel this way.
    My life waited for me somewhere else. My family was counting on me. I was moving. And even thinking of changing that for some guy I’d slept with a few times was ludicrous. It had to be that whole weird evolutionary chemical thing that made me want to fall for the man I’d lost my virginity to. My body was under some misguided impression that it was going to mate for life. Logically, I
knew
this.
    But when Foster did things like paying for my whole apartment to get painted, he made it harder for me to keep my scientific brain in charge. So, despite knowing it was a bad idea, I’d stopped by his apartment on the way out to thank him and to tell him I was going to pay him back. I didn’t want guilt-laden gifts. He didn’t owe me anything. But only Pike had been home.
    “Sorry, doc. He’s out,” Pike had told me as he leaned against the door frame. No smile. No invitation inside. The completely un-Pike-like behavior had made my stomach drop to my toes.
    “Out?”
    He gave a little nod.
    “Like leather-pants out?” I’d asked, trying to keep my tone nonchalant even though my throat had gone Mojave dry.
    His gaze had slid away, his shoulders sagging. “I’m not sure.”
    “Got it,” I’d said, the words clipped. “Thanks a lot.”
    I’d turned to leave. “Hey, doc.”
    I’d spun back around, arms crossed in what probably looked to be anger but felt more like a desperate attempt to hold myself together.
    “I know you feel something for him. I get it. But if you’re not sticking around, just let him go,” he said quietly. “People think I had it rough with what I went through as a kid, but despite his family having money, Foster had it worse. He was alone
all the time
. The people who were supposed to love him bailed when he needed them the most. He doesn’t want to be left again.”
    My fingers dug into my biceps, the sadness in Pike’s voice, the picture he was painting, making me want to reach out to Foster even more. “Is that why he wants to . . . own a woman?”
    The words were hard to even get across my tongue—the concept so foreign.
    Pike brushed a hand over his head, the spikes springing back as soon as he swiped over them. “Maybe? There’s no doubt he’s a dominant. He’s always been a bossy fucker—at least as long as I’ve known him. But I think him wanting something so clearly defined is a way to try to control who leaves him. But of course, it’s a false sense of security. A woman can walk away at any time—vanilla relationship, slave, submissive, or anything in between. One day he’s going to have to accept that caring for someone is always going to be a risk, no matter what.”
    I digested his words. “Which is why you steer clear of relationships?”
    “Nah, doc, I’m just too fucked up to inflict myself on someone long term. I’m best in small doses.” He smirked, but there wasn’t much enthusiasm behind it. “And I’m not trying to scare you off Foster. I can tell something is different when he’s with you. I’ve never seen him get so . . . possessive. But I love the guy and don’t want to see him get his heart handed back to him again.”
    I frowned, an unshakeable melancholy falling over me, but nodded at Pike. “You’re a good friend to him.”
    He shrugged. “I’d be in a cemetery if not for him. And blood or not, he’s my family.”
    I leaned over and kissed his cheek, a good-bye. “Thanks, Pike. He’s lucky to have you in his life.”
    He pushed away from the doorjamb, his expression resigned. “Want me to tell him you stopped by?”
    Though part of me had wanted to say yes, I’d shaken my head no and walked away. If I wasn’t going to stay, then it wasn’t fair for me to keep