Obnoxious Librarian from Hades by Dennie Heye Read Free Book Online Page A

collection.”
    “James, did you fill out the form on our intranet?”
    “Well, ehm, I could not find it….”
    “It is very easy. Go to the front page. Click global services. Select your business area. Enter your location code. Click the little small, blinking, moving dot in the bottom left hand corner of the screen, just below the edge of your browser window.”
    “Oh, ok, but I need access today as I need to analyze a bunch of reports for a meeting tomorrow.”
    “James, first of all you did not use the magic word “please”. Secondly, the service level agreement clearly stipulates that every request for access to the confidential reports will be handled within 3 working days. That is, if you filled out the form correctly, otherwise it will be ignored without warning.”
    “But.. but…”
    “But James, I understand your situation. You’re young. You’re new. You need to deliver to crawl up the corporate ladder. So you need a better service than the normal service – you want the Very Important Customer service with dedicated expert librarian support and guaranteed turn around time.”
    ”YES!”
    “ Ok James, now we are talking. Let me see what the special price would be for you… mmmm…. Skip the form and handle the request by phone, that would be 2 extra large boxes of Oreos. Skip required permission procedure, that’s either washing my car or cleaning my windows at home. Immediate authorization of your access: a yet to be defined favor which I can request at(?) any time in the future.”

    The secret to life is making it work for you.

The one with a room with a view
    It is Monday morning, 10.15 PM in the library and the mailroom just delivered the package I have been eagerly waiting for. Finally, the extended edition, director's cut DVD box of “The Librarian” in high definition and with surround sound has arrived. Now I can see the adventures in their full glory as they were meant to be. However, neither at home nor at the office do I have the equipment to enjoy this cinematic spectacle in all its beauty. Mmmm.
    The library does have a small multimedia room that was used to show training videos - yes, real videocassettes with magnetic tape. I now use these as amusement for the new hires library tour. I make them guess how long the magnetic tape is in one cassette and then we measure it by pulling the tape across the hallways. As my first library teacher always said: "show, don't tell".
    I now mostly use the multimedia room to store my collection of autographed famous librarian photos. My most priced possession is an autographed picture of Nancy Pearl, with a thoughtful motto on it as well: “Shush first, ask later”. This year I am hoping to expand my collection by getting an autographed picture of Stephen Abram at the annual Special Library Association conference. I would also really like to have one from Meredith Farkas, but I am too shy to ask her.
    I walk over to my manager's office and walk in while I roll my eyes and sigh deeply. He pretends not to notice me and feverishly keeps typing. I look over his shoulder and say: "Hey, if you are using your calculator, you can only use numbers - no full sentences." My boss turns around annoyed and waves me to his small conference table. He wants me out of here as quickly as possible as I just caught him chatting with the new secretary in HR, but he quickly alt-tabbed to Microsoft Calculator when I looked over his shoulder.
    "So, make it quick - I have a strategic alliance group meeting in ten minutes."
    "Well, you know our multimedia room is completely out of date and unused? The Knowledge management & learning group thinks that is such a shame and now want to set up their own state of the art multimedia room next to their offices."
    "What? No way. We in IT own multimedia, they should stick to their wishy washy story telling and playing around in Second Life. Sheesh."
    "For 9k we could completely refurbish the room and then use it to offer a