On Her Own by Wanda E. Brunstetter Read Free Book Online Page B

he looked like a beanpole.
    As soon as Alice sat down, Samuel cleared his throat, pullingPaul’s thoughts aside. Everyone at the table bowed their heads for silent prayer. When Samuel cleared his throat a second time, it was time to eat.

    “Why don’t you let me put the boppli in the crib?” Barbara’s mother suggested. “That way you’ll have both hands free to eat.”
    “I’m good at doing things with one hand.” Barbara glanced at Paul and caught him staring at her. Does he think I’m overly protective? She looked away and reached for her glass of water.
    “You’re not going to let me put the boppli down?” Mom persisted.
    Barbara lifted the infant and placed him across her shoulder. “He’s fine, and so am I.”
    Mom shrugged.
    Barbara speared a piece of ham with her fork and realized as soon as it touched her plate that it would be difficult to cut with only one hand. Little David was almost asleep; she could feel the warmth of his head against her neck and hear his even breathing. A weary sigh escaped her lips. “Maybe I will put him down.”
    She sensed Paul’s eyes upon her again as she stood and slipped out of the room.
    When she returned a few minutes later, Dad and Paul were engaged in conversation, while Mom looked content overseeing the boys. Barbara lingered in the kitchen doorway. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the meal and the camaraderie. She knew it was silly, but Barbara felt out of place. Since she wasn’t working in the harness shop, she had nothing to contribute tothe conversation the men were having.
    A sudden wave of dizziness hit Barbara with the force of a strong wind, and a need to sit swept over her. She had to eat something, even if her appetite was gone.
    She moved slowly to the table and sat down.
    “Did you get the little one settled?” her mother asked as she poured a glass of milk for Zachary.
    Barbara took a sip of water, hoping to dispel the feeling of nausea she felt every time she looked at food. This was worse than morning sickness. “Jah, he’s fast asleep. It’s his second nap this morning,” she said with a weary sigh.
    Mom studied Barbara intently. “I can see by the dark circles under your eyes that you’re not getting enough sleep. Would it help if I started keeping the older boys at our place during the night?”
    Barbara took a bite of coleslaw, but it could have been shreds of straw for all the enjoyment she got from it. She knew why she was tired but didn’t understand the depression she’d been plagued with or her lack of interest in food. It wasn’t good for her or the baby.
    “Daughter, did you hear what I said about keeping the boys overnight?”
    “The older ones aren’t keeping me awake.”
    Mom reached across the table and patted Barbara’s hand. “This boppli sleeps less than the others did, jah?”
    Barbara nodded. “I wouldn’t mind being up half the night if I could make up for it during the day. But I’m way behind paying the bills and sending out orders for supplies needed at the shop.”
    Paul spoke up. “Is there anything I can do to help? I’d beglad to send out the orders for you.”
    Barbara bristled. He’s already doing my job in the shop, and now he wants to take over the paperwork, too? She forced a polite smile while she shook her head. “Danki for the offer, but I can manage.”
    Paul shrugged and took another piece of ham.
    Barbara pursed her lips. Did he think she was unappreciative? Didn’t the man realize how badly she needed to take part in her own business? She cut her meat. If only I wasn’t so weak. If I could work in the harness shop, I might not feel so useless . She felt like bursting into tears for no good reason as she swallowed the ham and washed it down with a gulp of water. Am I experiencing postpartum depression, still missing David, or just out of sorts because I’m feeling so drained?
    “Grandpa, can I help in the harness shop this afternoon?” Aaron asked.
    “I reckon it would be all