On Solid Ground: Sequel to in Too Deep by Michelle Kemper Brownlow Read Free Book Online Page A

can’t run smoothly until the shit is out of the way. Right?”
    I laughed and nodded, and she handed me the tissue box. That’s two points for Dr. Sylvia Watts. Maybe she would grow on me.
    “Tell me what’s making you cry,” she pressed.
    I didn’t like being pressed. “My emotions are all over the place. I feel comfortable with Jake, but little things like compliments bowl me over. It’s like he hands me something I don’t know what to do with.”
    “Did Noah compliment you?”
    I had to think about that for a while. Tears streamed down my face when I formed my answer. “I don’t remember any that weren’t followed by some kind of jab.”
    “Tell me more about that.”
    “Well, once he told me how stunned he was when he walked into work—that’s where we met—and saw me. He said, ‘I couldn’t believe how hot you were, but then I saw there was barely anything under your shirt. Made me wonder if you were really a guy.’ I guess I eventually started holding back my reactions to his compliments so I could brace myself for the insult.”
    “So, in some way, Jake is handing you something foreign.”
    I nodded. How pathetic was that? Something as harmless as a compliment could strip me bare.
    “How does Jake compliment you?”
    “He tells me I’m beautiful all the time.” I rolled my eyes and she jotted something down.
    Shit.
    “What do you see in your mind when he tells you that?”
    “A pathetic girl who let someone walk all over her and hurt her so deeply, she is irreparably broken. I can barely look him in the eye when he says those things.”
    “So, Noah taught you how to view yourself.”
    I choked out a sob. “I’m sorry for crying so much.”
    “Why are you sorry?”
    “I should be stronger than that by now.”
    “Gracie, crying doesn’t make you weak. It’s the strong people who are brave enough to let it all out. Those who keep from crying aren’t capable of processing what is going on inside their minds and in their hearts, so they don’t let themselves feel the depth of their pain. Those who cry are strong enough to take it all in, feel it, and then let it all out. And the friends that walk away from people in your current situation think they’re walking away because you’re too high-maintenance. But they’re actually walking away as a selfish means of self-preservation. They can’t handle the pain. Your tears prove that you can.”
    Sylvia stunned me with her words. All these years, I felt weak because I cried almost every day. Sylvia spun that notion and made me see it a different way. Crying was evidence that I was strong. Me. Strong.
    “So, let’s move along. What is it about eye contact when Jake compliments you that makes you uncomfortable?”
    I never actually thought about it. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to process her question as best I could. “I guess part of it is that wall I learned to put up for Noah’s insults after his compliments. But I guess I worry, if Jake looks long enough, he’ll see all the ugly I do. I don’t think I’ll ever see myself the way Jake does.”
    “Never say never, Gracie.” Sylvia smiled and jotted some more notes on her tablet.
    “When was the first time Noah hurt you in any way?” She pulled her purple frames from her nose, folded them up, and placed them quietly on the side table next to her chair. The rest of the hour, she had me give her a timeline of all the shitty things Noah had done. She said she didn’t want details yet, she just wanted a list of all his offenses. Well, just that list took the rest of the hour.
    A quiet chime reminded us that our time was up. Dr. Sylvia smiled at me and leaned forward with her elbows on her pad of Gracie Jordan notes. “You are a survivor, Gracie. You have survived an abusive relationship. What Noah did to you was emotional abuse. You probably forget who you used to be, and that’s because you have spent the last two years trying to mold yourself into someone