On the Edge A Novel by Edward St. Aubyn Read Free Book Online

down.’
    ‘You mean the deepest thing about me is my potential re-employment by a merchant bank?’
    ‘You sound so different,’ said his mother. ‘You used to plan for the future.’
    ‘Well, just now I’m trying to live in the present.’
    ‘That’s what animals do, darling, we’ve got minds.’
    ‘And what are they for? Buying life insurance?’
    ‘I can’t make out whether they’ve turned you into a socialist or a Moonie,’ said Mrs Thorpe.
    Peter looked out of the telephone booth. The Pacific, sparkling among the dark branches of a cedar tree, made him pause long enough to disarm.
    ‘You’re probably right in a way. I don’t really know what I’m up to,’ he said. ‘We’re all so fragmented, perhaps we can never know ourselves as a whole.’
    ‘Are you all right?’ said Mrs Thorpe, her opposition replaced for a moment by maternal concern. ‘You’re not cracking up, are you?’
    ‘No, I mean, I had this strange feeling the other day. Maybe I felt whole then, or maybe it was just a new bit of me emerging.’
    ‘You are cracking up,’ said Mrs Thorpe, no longer in any doubt.
    They fell silent for a moment and then Mrs Thorpe bravely resumed.
    ‘Fiona rang. I had to admit that I had no idea how to get hold of you. I don’t think she believed me, which is absolutely maddening because as you know I think she’s perfect for you. She blames that Findhorn Foundation. What I can’t understand is why you went there in the first place.’
    ‘To get away from Fiona for one thing,’ said Peter.
    ‘Well, you didn’t have to go to a Moonie place, you could have gone on one of my Serenissima Tours. They’re such fun. We’re going to look at castles on the banks of the Danube next month.’
    ‘If you really want to know, I was also pursuing another woman.’
    ‘ Cherchez la femme! ’ said Mrs Thorpe.
    ‘That’s exactly what I was trying to do. We only spent three days together but I’ve never been so happy in my life. Then she just disappeared saying nobody owned anybody else.’ Peter watched Brad lolloping past the phone booth in a faded pink T-shirt.
    ‘Hey, Peter,’ said Brad.
    Peter waved at Brad. ‘I had no desire to own her,’ he went on explaining to his mother. ‘I just wanted to hang with her.’
    ‘Hang?’ said Mrs Thorpe, vaguely remembering a disgusting article about American adolescents who hanged themselves in the shower for sexual titillation.
    ‘Oh, it’s just an expression they use here, an abbreviation for hanging out – you know, spending time with someone.’
    ‘Well, it should be abolished,’ said Mrs Thorpe. ‘How long do you propose to go sleuthing after this inveigling woman? Sex isn’t everything, you know. I learned that from your father. If you went back to Kleinwort’s you could get a private detective to find her. When he succeeds you’ll be able to pop out and join her. Frankly, she doesn’t sound that keen anyway.’
    ‘She was very keen at the time, that’s the puzzle. Anyhow I haven’t got a photograph of her and I don’t know her last name, so the detective would have to be a psychic.’
    ‘I’m sure there’s no shortage of those in the circles you move in these days,’ said Mrs Thorpe, pronouncing the word ‘circles’ with cool irony. ‘Do you make a habit of going to bed with women whose last names you don’t know? As you know I’m not easily shocked…’
    ‘But you’re easily shocked…’
    ‘No, no, I realize that standards change, I just wish they sometimes changed for the better.’
    ‘Listen, I’m running out of money,’ said Peter, ignoring the heaps of change scattered on the wooden ledge under the phone.
    ‘Are you going to tell me where you are?’
    ‘At Esalen.’
    ‘What’s that?’
    ‘A personal growth centre. I know…’
    ‘It sounds like something a doctor should have a look at,’ giggled Mrs Thorpe.
    ‘Ah, there goes my last coin,’ said Peter. ‘I’ll call you soon.’
    He was not surprised that