Once Upon a List by Robin Gold Read Free Book Online

up”—he sighed, clearly distressed—“but, after hearing that story, and knowing how depressed you’ve been lately . . . he’s not the only one.”
    Clara pointed at the remaining corner of grilled cheese sandwich on his plate. “You gonna eat that?” she asked in a low monotone, avoiding eye contact.
    â€œAll yours.” Leo pushed his plate across the table toward her. He studied Clara closely. There was a long, heavy moment of silence before he finally spoke. “I think we should talk about this.”
    â€œTalk about what?” She pretended to be dense.
    Leo cocked his head to the side. “Oh, come on. You know what”—he insisted, not playing games—“the way things have been going for the past eight months. The way you’ve completely withdrawn from everything and everyone—from . . . life .”
    â€œPlease. I’m fine.” Clara tried to sound convincing.
    â€œYou are far from fine and we both know it,” Leo argued. “I hardly even recognize you.”
    â€œDon’t be dramatic.”
    â€œI’m not,” protested Leo. “Look, the truth is, I’m not just worried about you, Clara,” he swallowed hard, wincing. “I’m scared .”
    â€œScared?” she echoed in a detached tone.
    â€œYour voice doesn’t even sound like yourself anymore. And you sure aren’t acting like yourself. You aren’t acting like, well . . . anything. ” Leo’s fist came down on the table. “Are you even listening to me?”
    Actually, Clara, staring at her lap, was so used to tuning everything out, it had become an unconscious gesture, as natural as blinking. “What? Yes. Of course.”
    Leo’s mouth turned down in an uncharacteristic scowl. “You know what? The Beer King’s right. It’s like you’re the walking dead.”
    Clara grimaced. She may have been existing in a numbing fog, but she wasn’t that bad. Was she?
    â€œI—I’m sorry.” Leo reached across the table to touch her arm. “But if I can’t say these things to you, who can?” He waited for Clara to respond. But she said nothing. “I’ve bitten my tongue for as long as I could. I was praying things would get better, but they’re only getting worse. There’s no way I can continue to watch you sink further into darkness. I can’t do it, Clara. I love you too much.” Leo inhaled deeply, hesitating for a moment. “The kind of trauma you’ve suffered . . . you—you have to get help.”
    â€œI’ve tried every form of help that exists,” Clara, slumped in her seat, said flatly. “And then some.”
    â€œI know.” He nodded. “I know you have. But you’ve got to try again.”
    â€œYeah. Easy for you to say.”
    Leo stared at her. “No. It’s not. Believe me.” His voice was thick with emotion. “You’re in real trouble, butt-face,” he whispered. “Can you honestly tell me this is how you want your life to be?”
    Clara didn’t have the heart to tell him that Sebastian’s life wasn’t the only one that ended back in March. Nor did she have the guts to ask, How do I hold on when there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight? Finally, she lifted her chin and looked her brother in the eye, fully exposed and knowing that she could not lie. Not to Leo. Not while sitting across from him at that old marble table, inside those trusty, familiar four walls that held their secrets and deserved to be honored. All she could do was hope to repress the prickly knot that had started to form in her throat. “Listen,” she said softly, “I love you too. And I know your heart’s in the right place, but I really don’t want to talk about this right now. Besides, Libby gave me this same exact speech before bed. She also sang ‘Turn That