One Step Closer to You by Alice Peterson Read Free Book Online

our table. ‘This one time, right, before a meeting I overheard her saying to one of the other mums …’ Jim prepares himself to mimic Violet with her la-di-da voice, ‘“I’m all for men being more hands-on and changing the odd nappy, but if my hubby suddenly started walkinground the house in a pinny I swear I’d lose all respect for him!”’
    ‘What do you call men like us?’ Ben looks at Jim, a tiny glint of humour now in his eyes.
    ‘Stay-at-home-dads or lazy sods, according to Granny-in-law,’ Jim says. He goes on to tell Ben what his wife, Camilla’s family, think about their swapping the traditional roles and how Christmas with them en masse is always a challenge. ‘Truth is Milla wasn’t cut out to be a stay-at-home mum and missed being a lawyer, and she earns more too. I was hating my job with the local council so it made complete sense to us, but Granny doesn’t see it like that. Christmas Day went from bad to worse,’ Jim continues, enjoying the captive audience. ‘Not content with calling me a lazy sod, she says, “I mean, what do you
do
all day? It’s not right my daughter has meetings up to her eyeballs while you fanny around eating muffins!”’ He picks up his blueberry muffin and takes a large deliberate bite, making Ben and me laugh.
    ‘Jim, I wish I could clone you,’ I say. ‘Seriously, most men are too proud to do what you do.’
    If only they knew about Matthew. Jim knows my relationship went badly wrong and he’s aware I go to AA, but that’s only half the story. I shudder hearing his voice. ‘
If I hear that baby crying one more time before I’ve had a coffee I swear I’ll throw it out the window
.’
    ‘He does everything, Ben,’ I carry on, wishing I couldwipe away those memories. Rub them out like a teacher rubs things out on a blackboard.
    ‘It’s not a hardship,’ Jim declares. ‘It’s a choice and a privilege. I think it’s fine having someone look after your child when they are so tiny, like puppies in your arms that you feed and rock to sleep, but I wanted to be around when Theo said his first few words. I think it’s important that one of us looks after our children. Sorry, that was crass,’ he says to both Ben and me. ‘I wasn’t thinking.’
    Ben nods. ‘What I’m struggling with is how do you know the right thing to do, the right way to bring them up? At night I’m lying awake thinking this girl, this little person, her happiness now rests in my hands. It terrifies me.’
    ‘Me too,’ I confess.
    ‘This morning she asked me to plait her hair,’ Ben continues.
    ‘Ah, the hair thing,’ says Jim. ‘It gets easier with practice.’
    ‘I’ll give you a lesson,’ I suggest.
    ‘You and me, Ben, we’re in the minority, so we need to stick together.’ He raises his mug to Ben’s.
    ‘To stay-at-home-dads-slash-uncles then,’ Ben says.
    ‘And single mums,’ Jim adds.
    I join in. ‘So stick that up your pipe and smoke it, Granny.’
    *
    When Jim heads off to pick Theo up from nursery, Ben and I leave the café.
    We walk along the pavement, quiet in our thoughts until I pluck up the courage to say, ‘Ben, do you mind me asking … ?’
Tell him you saw him at the meeting
. I wimp out. ‘Where’s Emily’s father?’
    ‘Oh, right. Him. When Grace told him she was pregnant he did a runner. She wrestled with the decision, but she’d always wanted children.’
    ‘Your parents, are they around to help?’
    ‘Mum is no longer with us and my father died when I was four. My stepdad’s still around, sadly.’
    ‘Anything “step” is never the easiest of relationships.’
    ‘Forget the title,’ he says sharply. ‘It’s about the person, the man, and in this case he’s a horrible jumped-up little man.’
    We turn into Chalcot Square.
    ‘Right, well I’d better get to work,’ I say, feeling that conversation was killed. ‘It was great to …’
    ‘Are you around tonight?’
    ‘Tonight?’
    ‘I wouldn’t mind taking you up on