Only You Can Save Mankind by Terry Pratchett Read Free Book Online Page B

encyclopedia—it said inside the cover that they were Universal Wonder Knowledge Data Printing, Inc., of Power Cable, Nebraska—had shoved in all these pictures of parrots and stuff because they were the Natural Wonders of the World, when what was really strange was that human beings had come up with an idea like this. It was like finding a tiny bit of the Middle Ages in the middle of all the missiles and things.
    Johnny knew about the Middle Ages because of doing his essay on “What it felt like to be a peasant in the Middle Ages.” When a knight fell off his horse in battle, the other side weren’t allowed to open him up with a can opener and torture him, but had to look after him and send him back home after a while, although they were allowed to charge for the service.
    On the whole, the ScreeWee were letting him off lightly. According to the Geneva Convention, he ought to be feeding all of them as well.
    He put the book back and turned the television on.
    That was odd. Someone was complaining that the enemy were putting prisoners of war in buildings that might be bombed, so that they could be bombed by their own side. That was a barbaric thing, said the man. Everyone else in the studio agreed.
    So did Johnny, in a way. But he wondered how he would explain something like this to the Captain. Everything made sense a bit at a time. It was just when you tried to think of it all at once that it came out wrong.
    There was too much war on television now. He felt it was time to start showing something else.
    He went out into the kitchen and made himself some toast, and then tried to scrape the burned bits off quietly so as not to wake people up. He took the toast and the encyclopedia upstairs and got back into bed.
    To pass the time, he read some more about Switzerland, which was where Geneva was. Every man in the country had to do army training and keep a gun at home, it said. But Switzerland never fought anyone. Perhaps that made sense somewhere. And what the country used to be known for was designing intricate and ingenious mechanical masterpieces that made a little wooden bird come out and go cuckoo.
    After a while he dozed off and didn’t dream at all.
    On the screen the fake stars drifted by. After an hour or so a yellow dot appeared in the very center. After another hour it grew slightly bigger, enough to be seen as a cluster of smaller yellow dots.
    Then Johnny’s mother, who had come to see where he was, tucked him in and switched it off.

If Not You, Who Else?
     
    T here was a constant smell of smoke and burned plastic in the ship now, the Captain noticed. The air conditioners couldn’t get rid of it anymore. Some of the smoke and burned plastic was the air conditioners.
    She could feel the eyes of her officers on her. She didn’t know how many of them she could count on. She got the feeling that she wasn’t very popular.
    She looked up into the eyes of the Gunnery Officer.
    “You disobeyed my orders,” she repeated.
    The Gunnery Officer looked around the control room with an air of injured innocence.
    “But we were being attacked,” he said. “They fired the first shots.”
    “I said that we would not fire,” said the Captain, trying to ignore the background murmur of agreement. “I gave my word to the Chosen One. He was about to fire.”
    “But he did not,” said the Gunnery Officer. “He merely watched.”
    “He was about to fire.”
    “About is too late. The tanker Kreewhea is destroyed. Along with half our campaign provisions, I should add…Captain,” said the Gunnery Officer.
    “Nevertheless, an order was directly disobeyed.”
    “I cannot believe this! Why can’t we fight!”
    The Captain pointed out of the window. The fleet was passing several more ships of the ancient Space Invader race.
    “They fought,” she said. “Endlessly. And look at them now. And they were only the first. Remember what happened to the Vortiroids? And the Meggazzoids? And the Glaxoticon? Do you want to be