Optical Delusions in Deadwood

Optical Delusions in Deadwood by Ann Charles Read Free Book Online

Book: Optical Delusions in Deadwood by Ann Charles Read Free Book Online
Authors: Ann Charles
mouth and made a jarring screech. Then she keeled over backward onto the wood floor.

           

     
       

           

          Chapter Four

           

          Hours later, long after Wanda Carhart awoke and made a quiet recovery from her temporary bout of insanity, I stood in front of Mudder Brothers Funeral Parlor.

          Why was it that in nine out of ten small towns in America, funeral homes were the most posh buildings? So much finery and fancy dress on the outside, all for guests of honor on the inside who would never be able to appreciate the big event.

          Mudder Brothers, a century-old two-story house decked out in white paint, was one of the nine. The warm early evening sunlight spotlighted its impressive architecture: four neoclassical columns decorated the front porch, a massive front gable bracketed a fanlight, and black shutters framed the windows.

          The place reminded me of a stately old gent clad in a white tuxedo with black lapels and a bowtie; the flower-filled window boxes his pink carnation.

          “All right, Vi,” said Natalie, my best friend since Barbie-doll-hood, as she crutched across the parking lot toward me, her lower right leg cast almost hidden by her swishy long black skirt. “Explain to me why I’m meeting you at Mudder Brothers this evening when you didn’t even know the late, great Mr. Haskell.”

          I tugged at the collar of my dark blue silk shirt, trying to get more air. The heat rolling off the parking lot combined with my jitters and produced a sheen of sweat all over my skin. I waited for Natalie to reach my side before whispering, “I was hoping you could get me in.”

          “Get you in?” Her loud laugh snared the attention of two pale-faced, lanky white-haired men standing near the far left column. Their cigarette smoke swirled around them in a slow vortex. With their bulbous eyes and puffing lips, they were grizzled versions of Donald Duck’s nephews, Huey and Dewey. Where was Louie? 

          “It’s not the Rainbow Room, girlfriend,” Natalie said.

          “Shhh.” I kept my voice low. “You know I’m still a stranger around here.” One with a tarnished reputation, besides. “You were born and raised in this town. Nobody will look twice if you walk into the room.”

          “You mean hobble.”

          A few weeks ago, Natalie had tried walking across a wet tin roof in a pair of cowboy boots. A clever Puss in Boots she was not. The fractured fibula barely slowed her down.  

          I led the way up a short ramp onto the wide porch and held open one of the two double doors for her. Huey and Dewey eyeballed us from their leaning posts ... well, mainly they eyeballed Natalie. With a siren’s lips, striking cheekbones, and a body that inspired lovesick poetry, Natalie transformed men into Pepé Le Pew clones. Unfortunately, many of them changed back into assholes and cheaters when the instant lust wore off.

          “So,” Natalie paused just inside the door, “is there a reason for dragging me to this particular funeral, or did you just circle the first one on the obituary page that sounded fun?”

          I closed the door. Soft murmurs of grief flowed around us. “I’m not here for the funeral.”

          Natalie grinned. “Please tell me you’re not here to pick up men.”

          I scoffed and grabbed one of the programs from the sign-in podium. “I don’t need a man.” But that didn’t keep me from wanting one in particular. Unfortunately, Doc was the exact same man Natalie wanted ... as in, waiting for her with a wedding band at the preacher end of an aisle. “Neither do you.”

          “ Au contraire , my dear. And I’m determined to get him.” She nudged her head toward an open set of French doors on our left and angled her crutches in that direction. “Doc is the one , you know.”

          “Yeah.”

Similar Books

The Tower

J.S. Frankel

The Collaborator

Margaret Leroy

The Snow White Bride

Claire Delacroix

On the Plus Side

Tabatha Vargo

Bad Moon Rising

Loribelle Hunt

Elf on the Beach

TJ Nichols

The Girl at Midnight

Melissa Grey