Out of Practice by Penny Parkes Read Free Book Online Page B

in the enormous handbag.
    ‘Now before I forget, this is for you, Dr Graham.’
    Prue proudly handed Holly a small brown paper bag and nodded encouragingly. Holly tentatively unrolled the top of the bag and looked inside, trying and failing not to look shocked.
    ‘That’s . . . well, that’s just . . .’ Holly struggled to find the right words. ‘It’s wonderful that you’ve planned ahead for your appointment
obviously, but to be honest, we normally prefer you to use the special plastic pots provided. It’s just a little more, um, sanitary.’
    Prue Hartley looked blank for a moment and then a delighted grin rippled across all five of her chins. ‘Oh, Dr Graham, you are such a hoot! You had me going there, you really did. Ooh wait
’til I tell my Alan . . . It’s a brownie, Dr Graham! A brownie!’ She chortled merrily, not in the least offended. ‘Prue Hartley? The clue’s in the name – Hartley
Bakery? My chocolate brownies are the best in Larkford and I thought you could have it for your afternoon tea, by way of a little welcome.’
    Holly found herself lost for words. Of course it was a bloody brownie! She was beginning to think that living with two small boys was beginning to warp her view of the world. ‘I’m so
sorry, Mrs Hartley. Do forgive me. I have two-year-old twin boys at home and you’d be surprised how much of my day is spent discussing poo.’
    Prue was still tittering away to herself, but at least she now looked relaxed and at ease, even if it hadn’t been achieved by conventional means. ‘That’s the best laugh
I’ve had in days. I knew I was right to wait and see you. That Dr Channing’s a right cold fish.’ Prue shifted her not inconsiderable bulk in the chair and leaned forward
confidingly. ‘When I gave myself an injury trimming my bikini line, she was right sniffy about it. Kept making comments about me in a bikini that I did not appreciate. I didn’t dare
tell her about my purple poo.’
    ‘And when you say purple,’ replied Holly, without missing a beat, ‘are we talking Professor Plum or Miss Scarlet?’
    Prue nodded approvingly, clearly getting Holly’s Cluedo reference straight away. ‘I’d say Professor Plum, in the downstairs cloakroom, for a good half hour, with a rather
pointy candlestick . . .’
    Holly started jotting down notes before losing her nerve. ‘So just to clarify – it takes you half an hour to have a bowel movement and when you do, it’s a bit sharp and
uncomfort- able – and of course – purple?’
    ‘That’s about the size of it,’ said Prue, tapping the round crystal paperweight on Holly’s desk for emphasis.
    ‘Okay, so nothing else unusual?’
    ‘No, I mean that paperweight there – that’s about the size of my poo!’
    ‘Crikey,’ said Holly a little taken aback. ‘Then we need to talk about stool softeners and samples. All very routine. Probably nothing to worry about, but better safe than
sorry.’
    Holly began to run through the usual chat about keeping regular and the benefits of lots of water and fruit and veg. Prue took it all in and seemed to be happy with the plan that Holly outlined
for her, even shaking her hand when it was time to go.
    ‘Do stop by the bakery, Dr Graham. We’ve some lovely unusual bakes – I bet your little lads would love my meringues and if it’s vegetables you’re after, my Alan
does some lovely carrot cakes and his little beetroot cupcakes are to die for. I can’t get enough of them, with a nice cup of tea.’
    Holly’s expression lit up with amusement. ‘Erm, Prue? Obviously we’ll stick to the plan we’ve outlined, but to be honest, you might just want to stay away from the
beetroot cakes for a couple of weeks. Just to see if it helps.’
    Prue’s face flushed a decidedly beetroot-y colour and she let rip the most echoing chuckle. ‘Oh for God’s sake, Prudence Hartley, you dolt. Beetroot cake!’ She shook her
head. ‘I’m so sorry, Dr Graham. I just didn’t think