adored.” I nodded. “Kissed…” his lips crashed onto mine for a long deep kiss, “touched…” his hand slipped under my dress and pressed against my pantiles flesh.
“When I’m with you I feel human, 1 Bella.”
“Then why not accept that it’s okay to love?”
“Love. A questionable desire that leaves us wanting more of something that cannot be taken and damn it if I know how to earn it. I don’t know how to love you now and one day kill you for the inevitable.”
“I’m not her, Jax, I’m not a woman that sleeps with random men.”
“She didn’t, Bella, she slept with Salvatore Casconi, she fell in love with him.”
“Sam?” I gasped. “Did Papa know?”
He shook his head. “No, only you.” His hands covered mine. “I couldn’t admit it to anyone.”
“Did he know that you… knew?”
He shook his head. “Not until the day I put a bullet in his head.”
“I’m so sorry. I had no clue. But… is this why you wanted to marry me? To seek revenge?”
“At first, once I knew he could have you too. I felt compelled to save you from him and his wasteland. Give you something more.”
I watched him, wanting his lips on mine. “I’m not her, Jax.” His head turned from mine. “Look at me.” My hand raised to his cheek. His jaw flexed under my touch. “I had no idea that I could… feel this way for… you, but I do. When you’re not at home I find myself wishing you were, and when you’re not holding me I wish you were. I didn’t expect that I’d feel that way but it’s happened.”
Sharpness in the darkness of his eyes held me. “You’re not listening, 1 Bella. If I give in to my feelings for you, that puts you at risk. I couldn’t bare for you to be the one that crosses that line with me.” Was he saying that he did love me? Was Jax just hiding his feelings because he couldn’t come to terms with them?
“I think you found an excuse not to feel. I think that you’re scared, Jax.”
“Scared of loving you? You think Jax Moretti the boss of this family is scared of you?” Anger struck between our bodies like electricity. “Why are you so convinced that we should love each other.”
“You said before that you didn’t know how to earn it, but you already have it. I love you, Jax. I think I have since the night you saved me.”
“Your wrong.” He shook his head. “I’m a monster. I’m not good, remember? I kill people. Why would you choose to love someone like me?”
“We don’t choose who we love, 1 it just happens. I fought it, I tried to hate you but…” I raised my head. “I couldn’t hate what I loved.” He wasn’t hearing me. “I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. I’ll never walk away, I’ll never let another man touch what you’ve taken from me because it’s no longer mine to give away, Jax.”
Both his large hands lifted to my face holding me tightly. “You’re willing to completely give yourself to me?”
“I already have.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?” I smiled
“Okay, marry me for real.”
“Seriously? A wedding cake and flowers?”
“I said this before, Bella. I have feelings for you that even I’ll never understand, but if you want to risk everything for me I need to risk things, too.” He wanted to marry me for real? Was he talking about loving me? “Plan a wedding, whatever you want and it’s yours.”
“Seriously?” His hands held at my hips.
“Maybe I’ve been going about this the wrong way.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah—” he shrugged. “—maybe giving this a chance is doable.” His lips lightly brushed mine. “Let’s go home.”
We would have a wedding and make this real. Would this work or fall apart?
Chapter 8
Bella
“Are you ready, Isabella?” Alessandra held my hands.
My eyes locked on hers. I didn’t know if I wanted this for real. He would claim me again, but would I be able to do the same? Would I be allowed to sleep in his bed and have a real marriage? After he’d